message in a bottle

oh-my-god

2007-09-28T14:36:00.000+08:00

[hmmm...interesting...]

The Bottom Line

Today you discover a new type of romance. Evaluate whether you want to pursue it.

In Detail

Connections can happen in unlikely places -- and with unlikely people. Today, in circumstances beyond your control, you may find yourself talking to someone you never would have considered talking to before -- and it could lead to a new type of romance. You possess a magnetism that will only grow in the coming weeks. Take people seriously when they flirt with you, and give them a chance to show you what they can do. There is a real value in giving people the benefit of the doubt.

this is my now

2007-09-27T15:36:00.000+08:00

by Jordin Sparks

There was a time I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell
Hiding from myself
There was a time when I was so afraid
Thought I reached the end
But baby that was then
Coz I am made of more than my yesterdays

This is my now
And I am breathing in the moment
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see
My fears behind me
Gone are the shadows and doubts
That was then
This is my now

I have the courage
like never before
Yeah
I’ll settle for less
But I’m ready for more
Ready for more

This is my now
And I am breathing in the moment
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see
My fears behind me
Gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then
This is my now

a bandaid over my heart

2007-09-26T14:47:00.000+08:00

[I still believe in love...still believe that somewhere out there, he is waiting for me...someone special who would take care of my heart....this song captured what made me hold on for 3 years, despite everything...i know i'll get to feel this again, now with the right person who would make the scars feel like it was never there]

When I see You Smile by 112

Sometimes I wonder
How I'd ever make it through
Through this world
without having you
I just wouldn't have a clue
And sometimes it seems
Like this world's closing in on me
And there's no way of breaking free
Then I see you reach for me
Sometimes I wanna give up
Wanna give in
I wanna quit the fight
AND then i see you baby-
everything's alright-
everything's alright

When I see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know I can do anything
When I see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh I see it shining
right through the rain
When I see you smile
Baby when I see you smile at me
Oh yeah

Baby there's nothing in this world that could ever do
What the touch of your hand can do
It's like nothing that I ever knew
heyyyy
And when the rain is falling
I don't feel it
Cause you're here with me now
AND ONE LOOK AT YOU BABY
It's all I'll ever need
It's all I'll ever need

When I see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know that I can do anything
When I see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh I see it shining
right through the rain
When I see you smile baby
Baby when I see you smile at me

Sometimes I wanna give up
I wanna give in
I wanna quit the fight
Then one look at you baby
and everything's alright
and everything's alright
it's all right

When I see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know I can do anything
When I see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh I see it shining right through the rain
Yeah
When I see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know that I can do anything
When I see you smile
Oh yeah
Baby when I see you smile at me
when i see you smile.. smile
aaaattt me..

a must-read on falling in love

2007-09-13T18:12:00.000+08:00

[Thanks Moja for this link....everything makes even more sense...see you soon!]

It is a mystery why we fall in love.

It is a mystery how it happens.

It is a mystery when it comes.

It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience.

Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share.

And just as life is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share.

More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.

When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away.

When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again.

They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.

You need to know this about love, and to accept it.

You need to treat what it brings you with kindness.

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don’t love her, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don’t choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away..

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it choose to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.

Love always has been and always will be a mystery.

Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

If you keep your heart open, it will come again.

Nerburn, Kent. Letters To My Son

am i a survivor?

2007-09-04T10:52:00.000+08:00

I'm back.

I'm writing this post while bopping my head to the tune of "Because of You" by Ne-yo. Sometimes, I become so grateful to music. I feel I'm getting better every minute dancing along songs like this.

So uplifting.

I'm okay now. Somehow. Have exhausted all tears from my body from the shit hole I went through for almost 2 months now.

That shit, shit, shit hole I will not allow anyone to put me through again.

I learned so many lessons. I know I'm not there yet. I still have a long way to go. Still have a lot to learn and realize. But at least I know I am learning. I have to. Or else, I won't get out of here. I know I am more than that. And now I can somehow say, I am quite ready to move on with my life that he paused.

Damn. Got so wrecked in the whole process. I truly, honestly thought I will never get out alive.

I was literally close to dying. And I'm putting that on record. My mind and body already died at that time. The pain was just too much. It was too much.

It was too unbearable for someone who's one fault is loving a person with all she can.

Am getting happy again. Thanks to all the angels surrounding me and who never left my side. Who never doubted my strength even if I know I have none left already.

My family.
My friends.
My classmates, whom I am starting a new adventure with.

Blessings I will never, ever trade for anything else. That's for sure.

Am so looking forward to my despedida. Can't wait for my life to start again. Thanks Jojay.

don't love you no more (i'm sorry)

2007-08-31T14:01:00.000+08:00

by craig david

For all the years that I've known you baby
I can't figure out the reason why lately you've been acting so cold
(didn't you say)
If there's a problem we should work it out
so why you giving me the cold shoulder now
like you don't even wanna talk to me girl
(tell me)
ok I know I was late again
I made you mad and then it's throwing the pan
but why are you making this drag on so long
(i wanna know)
I'm sick and tired of this silly games
(silly games)
don't figure that I'm the only one here to blame
it's not me here who's been going round slamming doors
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
feeling like a fool cause I let you down
now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

I know that I made a few mistakes
but never thought that things would turn out this way
cause I'm missing something now that your gone
(I see it all so clearly)
Me at the door with you inner state
(inner state)
giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
feeling like a fool cause I let you down
now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

Don't say those words it's so hard
they turn my whole world upside down
girl you caught me completely off guard
on the night you said to me
I just don't love you more.

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
feeling like a fool cause I let you down
now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

little angels

2007-08-31T13:59:00.000+08:00

To be truly thankful about all the blessings in life is indeed God's way of showing one is never alone.

Thank you Tin for making me "beautiful" again...:

http://tinaelaine.blogspot.com/2007/08/supergirlfriend-to-rescue.html

today says...

2007-08-16T10:01:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

Waiting for someone else to come to you is a waste of time. If you want it, grab it!

In Detail

It's time to stop thinking so long and hard about what you want to say! Sometimes being spontaneous is the only way you can initiate something new and exciting. Whether it's introducing yourself to a hottie at the gym or grabbing the seat next to the big boss at lunch so you can get in some face time, you need to act now to get what you want. Waiting for someone else to come to you just isn't going to work right now. If you want it, you have to grab it!

paranoia seeps in

2007-08-10T16:25:00.000+08:00

"Sweetheart!....you're my little secret and thats how we should keep it, its on everybody's mind about you and I, they think so but they don't really know or wanna know.... love yah ches!"

what the fuck is this bitch talking about...

nuninu

2007-08-10T09:19:00.000+08:00

Damn.

It's been a month already?

One day at a time.

sigh

2007-08-10T09:18:00.000+08:00

"When it comes to relationships, unfortunately you've just got to be a grown-up. It doesn't mean you can't make mistakes; it doesn't mean you can't be a kid. ... But when it comes to the work of it, you just have to grow up... And when you do the work, it provides so much more room to be silly and make mistakes again."

- Kate Hudson

kinda makes sense..

2007-08-10T08:43:00.001+08:00

The Bottom Line

Don't take things too personally today -- that's the only way to avoid conflicts.

In Detail

Your clear-minded focus will keep you out of the dirt when people start slinging mud around today. You don't take things personally, and you understand more than ever that you cannot control how other people act. Staying objective will help you stay sane. This is a day to step back from the fray and just watch the action unfold. There is nothing to gain from getting involved. You know when your presence is necessary, and today you know it's not.

and today it says...

2007-08-09T10:39:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

Others may overreact to an announcement today, so be ready for some drama.

In Detail

Before the late afternoon, a rather shocking announcement will stop everyone in their tracks. And while other people may be overreacting to the situation, you might be under-reacting -- and you do need to take this seriously. You'll need to talk things out with people in order for everyone to regain balance and see things in a productive way. Many egos will get bruised, but you'll be able to retain the healthy self-image you've worked so hard to attain.

today they say....

2007-08-08T10:29:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

The more you are focused on one person, the faster you will build the relationship.

In Detail

You'll have some tunnel vision when it comes to a new relationship today. All you'll want to think about is how you can get closer to them, solve an issue with them, or just get them to notice you! The good news is that if you are this focused on one person, you will definitely get results before the end of the day. But on the other hand, you'll be depriving some other people of having any time with you. Just be mindful of the potential imbalance.

gosh

2007-08-08T10:23:00.000+08:00

"I know the people I chose, I know why I chose them and I really thought that I could change people through loving them enough. It doesn't work that way."

"And all you women out there who say love can change anything? You know what it can do? It can get you in a lot of trouble

"It is hard to detach overnight," says Judd. "I'm healing in my own time. And so I do wear my ring. And I think what I'm teaching my kids is, This happened. This is where Mom is right now. And there's always hope."

"My heart does not give up easy in terms of having hope."

Why are you waiting on other people to make you happy?"

Everything's not all right, but I'm all right with everything. And when you surrender – that's where I live right now ... in that serenity."

- Wynonna Judd

one day at a time

2007-08-07T10:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes she finds clarity, things she knows she has to do
But her heart and mind don't always match
Hence her confusion
Which up until today catches her unguarded..

I surrender everything to you Lord
Thy Will Be Done

stars today says...

2007-08-07T10:29:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

You cannot always have clarity of thought -- so don't worry if your mind is fuzzy.

In Detail

You cannot always have clarity of thought, so why worry if your mind seems a bit muddled right now? Any cloudiness you're feeling could be the result of your own self-preservation techniques. Your mind needs a bit of a vacation, and it's looking for a few moments during the day when it can switch off and veg out. Make it easier on yourself by finding that time before the afternoon. Even just turning off the radio or TV and letting your mind wander will help.

...talk about freaky....

astro

2007-08-06T16:50:00.000+08:00

the stars are most definitely teasing me...

mine says...

2007-08-06T16:28:00.001+08:00

The Bottom Line

Your communication skills are sharp, and your mind is prepared for a hot debate.

In Detail

This is a day for you to say what you truly mean -- whether other people are ready to hear it or not! There should be no candy coating for you, because what would be the point? Dancing around the truth is a waste of time and a waste of oxygen. Now more than ever, your communication skills are sharp, and your mind is prepared for a debate. So step right up to the blowhard who's been spewing nonsense for so long. You don't have to tolerate it any longer.

his horoscope for today....

2007-08-06T16:23:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

You have to come out of your shell today -- you'll be much better off if you do.

In Detail

Confidence and you have a very interesting relationship right now. On the whole, you're in a very confident phase in your life. Not much intimidates you. But there is one person who does -- and when you're around them you often crawl into a shy shell to avoid interacting with them. Today, that retreating behavior has to stop. Due to circumstances beyond your control, you'll have to come out of that shell -- and you'll be much better off for having done so.

ever the same by rob thomas

2007-08-06T14:54:00.000+08:00

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Hey, look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same(Ever the same)

my visual DNA

2007-08-06T11:13:00.000+08:00

MOOD: EASY RIDER

Always taking life how it comes, and living in the moment.
They don't get fazed by life, they just breeze through.

HABITS: BACK TO BASICS

They are striving for a simpler life, they do without disposable trends.
- they are inspired by nature and longetivity.

FUN: THRILLER

They can make the best out of any situation - always a lot of fun to be around
They love to laugh and have a bit of a naughty side.

LOVE: LOVE BUG

They are the type to fall in love a thousand of times a day
Their feelings snowball quickly, and they are full of passion

Uhm...is this really me?

quoted

2007-08-02T16:38:00.001+08:00

"Although if I should wish to boast, I would not be foolish, for I would be telling the truth. But I refrain, so that no one may think more of me than what he sees in me or hears from me because of the abundance of the revelations. Therefore, that I might not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated." [2 Corinthians 12:6-7]

lost

2007-08-02T16:20:00.000+08:00

little girl lost...

she has always wanted to find true love

she did

or so she thought

amidst all the pain

amidst all the frustration

she kept waiting

she knows one day, she'll get to that special place in his heart

the place she has always desired to be in

she kept waiting

for that day to come that he will look straight into her eyes

and she will see all the love there is

she kept waiting

for him to see her in a different light

that of a soul mate, a life partner

someone he would want to hold forever

she kept waiting

for those little hugs, those little kisses

that would melt all her doubts and fears away

she kept waiting

for him to lift her up and make her feel proud

that she was the chosen one

that they were their choices in their lives

she kept waiting

and waiting

and waiting

for that time and day to come

for that radiant smile on his face that makes her whole

for that kiss she would remember for the rest of her life

now, she's alone

wandering the earth with a broken heart

because...

he never came...

quoted

2007-07-30T15:49:00.001+08:00

If pain must come , may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him.

Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering...

- Paulo Coehlo

if only he knew this...

2007-07-30T15:44:00.000+08:00

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person
but by learning to love an imperfect person perfectly"

...hopefully someday, he will...

her blog has the best sayings...thanks tin...

2007-07-27T16:48:00.001+08:00

Implied:
"I had no right being so uncontent, being so confused, being so not for you
You're in love with all that you don't know
It animates your expectations
While convincing myself to believe all the sadness have purpose to
Makes me hate this I had no right "

The answer:
You don't have to be perfect to belong in this place.
You don't have the answers or always know the right thing to say.
You can climb the highest mountain, if you want.
Or quietly imagine that you might, someday.
You can take chances or take safety nets, make miracles or make mistakes.
You don't hafta be composed at all hours to be strong here.
You don't have to be bold or certain to be brave.
You don't have to have all the answers here...
or even know who you want to be...
just take my hand...
and rest your heart with me.

pathetic

2007-07-26T15:19:00.001+08:00

Know what sucks?

Being alone.

yeah right...easy for you to say...

2007-07-26T10:18:00.000+08:00

it's not the end of the world. wat wil hapen is up to you. u can't blame anyone for ur losses. u just have to be open to new possibilities.

bullshit.

shadows

2007-07-26T08:40:00.001+08:00

Sitting alone
In a dark and lonely corner
There's a voice in my head
That never stops shouting
How can this happen?
Is it fate?
Is it chance?
Is it destiny?

Where am I in the picture?
A ghost
In this world

My heart is no longer breathing
It has lost its will to survive
No more bleeding
Its pain is so heavy to carry

Where are you now?
Are you happy?
Are you well?
Do you think of me too?
Or is my illusion running against time
Taking comfort in my vulnerability

Every breath I take is heavy
Like every second of air matters more
No more smiles
Across the faces
Just mere sadness and longing-ness
To once again belong to somebody
To be somebody's love
To be somebody's future

Every cry is of pure despair
Of pure hurt
Pure devastation

Where can I hold on?
To faith?
To hope?

Where is faith?
Where is hope?
Does anyone out there hear me?
Do you also miss me?

I am here
Still waiting for you
Never giving up on you
Praying for you and I
To be together again soon
Hold on
I will be there soon
Please be there too

yawn

2007-07-26T08:39:00.000+08:00

This is hell week for me...

drunk and druggie

2007-07-25T08:08:00.001+08:00

Lindsay Lohan's mugshot

how come he gets boyfriends easily

2007-07-24T10:53:00.000+08:00

Lance Bass with new boy toy, model Pedro Armendares

anthem of our dying day

2007-07-23T10:08:00.000+08:00

by story of the year

The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly...
Exactly what I need

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Of our dying day
Of our dying day
Of our dying!!!

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
And you gasp for air tonight!!

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Our dying day
Of our dying!!!

lips of an angel by hinder

2007-07-23T10:05:00.000+08:00

honey why are you calling me so late
it's kinda hard to talk right now
honey why are you crying is everything okay
i gotta whisper cause i can't be too loud
well, my girls in the next room
sometimes i wish she was you
i guess we never really moved on
it's really good to hear your voice saying my name
it sounds so sweet
coming from the lips of an angel
hearing those words it makes me weak
and i never wanna say goodbye
but girl you make it hard to be faithful
with the lips of an angel

it's funny that you're calling me tonight
and yes i've dreamt of you too
and does he know you're talking to me
will it start a fight
no i don't think she has a clue
well my girls in the next room
sometimes i wish she was you
i guess we never really moved on
it's really good to hear your voice saying my name
it sounds so sweet
coming from the lips of an angel
hearing those wordsa it makes me weak
and i never wanna say goodbye
but girl you make it hard to be faithful
with the lips of an angel

it's really good to hear your voice saying my name
it sounds so sweet
coming from the lips of an angel
hearing those words it makes me weak
and i never wanna say goodbye
but girl you make it hard to be faithful
with the lips of an angel
(and i never wanna say goodbye)
but girl you make it so hard to be faithful
with the lips of an angel
honey why are you calling me so late

the goat makes it good

2007-07-23T09:29:00.000+08:00

Newest craze in Hollywood: LaLoo's Goat's Milk Ice Cream

Comes in many different, appetizing flavors for only $8 a pint:

Vanilla Snowflake
Black Mission Fig
Deep Chocolate
Strawberry Darling
Molasses Tipsycake
Lemon Chiffon
Pumpkin Spice
Chocolate Cabernet
Brownie and Clyde Frozen Yogurt - Kate Hudson's fave
Raspberry Frozen Yogurt

Too bad it's only being sold Stateside...

Visit - http://www.goatmilkicecream.com/getsome.php

rant

2007-07-20T15:46:00.000+08:00

I HATE THE NAME PATRICIA.

I HATE THE NICKNAME PAT.

I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I HATE IT.

pierced

2007-07-20T15:27:00.000+08:00

When you feel ultra crappy about a lot of things, the best remedy is getting a physical pain induced.

Feels good how a pierced hole can do wonders in averting your attention from other more painful things, in its continues throbbing all day...

That's what I did...but then again...nothing compares to what I am feeling...

she has her dad's eyes

2007-07-20T10:44:00.001+08:00

little suri

2007-07-20T10:40:00.000+08:00

thanks stephie...

2007-07-20T10:10:00.000+08:00

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have the compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH

schizo

2007-07-20T10:06:00.000+08:00

When someone closes a door,
jump out of the window...

from someone, to be strong

2007-07-16T16:18:00.000+08:00

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be ..

If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me ...

If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that "this will pass away, too!" ...

Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all the chains
That are binding me tight in "the darkness"
And trying to fill me with fear ...
For there is "no night without dawning"
And I know that "my morning" is near.

excerpt

2007-07-03T08:11:00.000+08:00

just because your eyes don't mist, doesn't mean your heart doesn't cry
just because you come out strong doesn't mean there's nothing wrong
often you choose to pretend you're happy so you don't have to explain yourself to people who'll never understand

how time flies

2007-07-02T13:51:00.000+08:00

staying connected

2007-07-02T13:33:00.000+08:00

Did I mention that I hate Friendster?

scene stealer

2007-06-27T15:38:00.000+08:00

I know, I know. I am blogging away all my frustrations. Why?

- I'm trying to cleanse away my crazy head with all possible scenarios
- I'm detoxing all the paranoia
- I'm trying to get to my happy box, unsuccessfully I might add
- I'm replacing morbid thoughts with bright and happy things

If I don't write, I will have a nutty!

It might be just the hormones but then again, I am psychotic that way.

Neurotic is my middle name.

nicole fan

2007-06-27T10:55:00.000+08:00

Absolutely love her...even in her bitchiness...

till the day that we die

2007-06-27T09:56:00.000+08:00

Ride
When we ride, we ride, its till the day
That we die..x2

Its real late about a quarter to 1
And I'm thinkin of everything we've become
And I hate it, I thought we could make it
But I'm ready to dead this
Just wanna forget about it
I saw the pictures n the letters she sent
You had me thinkin you were out
With ya friends, I'm so foolish
Played me like I'm stupid
Cuz I thought it was just you and I

Now I look back on the time that we spent
And I, see it in my mind
Playin over and over again..
It's pourin down, you got me breakin down
And I just cant figure out why
But this is what you said

When we ride
When we ride, we ride
It's till the day that we die
We used to say
When we ride
When we ride, we ride
It's till the day that we die
When we ride...
I remember what ya used to say
When we ride
When we ride, we ride
It's till the day that we die..

Visions in my mind of the day that we met
You showed me things that
I'll never forget
Took me swimin in the ocean
You had my head up in the clouds
Made me feel like im floatin..yea
To the think of it
When you know its the truth
Nobody else can do it quite like I do
All my kisses n my lovin
Aint nobody better then us..yea

Now I look back on the time that we spent
And I, see it in my mind
Playin over and over again..
It's pourin down, you got me breakin down
And I just cant figure out why
But this is what you said

When we ride
When we ride, we ride
It's till the day that we die
We used to say
When we ride
When we ride, we ride
It's till the day that we die
When we ride...
I remember what ya used to say
When we ride
When we ride, we ride
It's till the day that we die..

I guess its over indeffinatley
But you and I kno
It's not that easy to let go of everything
That we had and start all over again
Just blame yourself cuz you blew it
I wont forget how you do it
My sweet baby this is where the game ends
Now, somehow, wanna believe
You and me we can figure it out

When we ride
When we ride, we ride
It's till the day that we die
Oh boy, I wish that you could hold me
When I'm lonely when I need someone
To talk to, you were phoney
Just like everything you told me
When we ride
When we ride, we ride
It's till the day that we die
Boy, you forget about the promises
Made me, and now I let the memories
Fade away, but I rememeber what
You used to say
When we ride...
I remember what ya used to say
When we ride, we ride
It's till the day that we die..
We ride..when we ride, we ride
It's till the day that we die..

bummed out

2007-06-27T09:23:00.002+08:00

What can ruin a supposedly perfect vacation?

- rainy weather
- delayed flights and ferry rides
- getting your period a few days before the trip
- arguing with your "friends" due to their claimed "spontaneity"
- knowing that your boyfriend would rather follow their plans rather than the one you made
- how you can get to be so stupid paying for everything

lonewolf

2007-06-27T09:23:00.001+08:00

Being one those souls endlessly roaming the earth, alone and lonely...

yep, replaceable

2007-06-27T09:19:00.000+08:00

To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that's my stuff - Yes
If I bought it nigga please don't touch
And keep talking that mess, that's fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time
And It's my mine name that is on that Jag
So remove your bags let me call you a cab

Standing in the front yard telling me
How I'm such a fool - Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So go ahead and get gone
And call up on that chick and see if she is home
Oops, I bet ya thought that I didn't know
What did you think I was putting you out for?
Cause you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby you dropped them keys hurry up before your taxi leaves
Standing in the front yard telling me
How I am such a fool - Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I will have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So since I’m not your everything
How about I'll be nothing
Nothing at all to you
Baby I wont shead a tear for you
I won't lose a wink of sleep
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy

To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left

To the left
To the left

Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

love her dress!

2007-06-26T08:42:00.001+08:00

urban decay camping kit

2007-06-25T10:58:00.000+08:00

so me

2007-06-20T15:49:00.000+08:00

THE CAPRICORN WOMAN

A tall slim, cool and quiet woman. Once she is mad she can be very fierce. She can work better than some men and she is very high confident woman. In her opinion, woman is not just a flower or decoration at home or at an office and certainly not the weaker sex who needs protection. She likes to control and hide her weak emotions.

She will never try to change anyone, but she will learn to accept them as they are. If she does not like someone, she will not comments or criticize but she will completely ignore that person.

She hates plastic and an artificial flower because it makes her feel that you are not being sincere. She loves real flower and its scent. She loves a guy who wears after shave cologne. If you are a type of a guy who wear your jeans one month before washing it, or wear an old sneaker, then you can forget about her.

She loves music and nature even there is a rare case otherwise. She loves to go picnic in nature, so if you don't have so much time for her, you can take her fishing too. She is not as jealous as Aquarius or Leo woman, but do not cross the line O.K. It's better not to see she gets mad, especially in front of public when she feels like loosing face.

She loves to make up and dress perfectly and very neat, so never rush her for this matter. She has her own goal in life and does not care if you have a doctorate degree or not, if she thinks you are not bright then she will not care about you at all. She likes smart people by character and not by certificate shown. If you cannot show her this quality, go and take a bus and go to the next stop. She does not like a dreamer who talks about his dream but never put his hands in action to make it happens. Don't bother to tell her "everyone is doing it, you should do it too", or "I think you should do it, it's good for you", because she will do what she wants to do only. She is a neat and tidy person, so if your apartment is a pigsty , do not take her there.

If you go out on a date with her, try to be presentable such as nice and clean dress, clean nails or else it will be your last date. She is a cool type and will not nag, so it's easy on your ears. She is a slow but sure type. She will always respect and honor you and will never try to make you loose your face. If she loves you, she will help you in anything you do. She likes to help people and expect nothing in return. If she asks you for a favor and does not get one, she will feel very disappointed. She has a high hope and a high faith and beliefs in her own confident than believing in "luck".

If she is your wife, you will have nice and clean home and gourmet cooking. If your parents visit your house, they will be pleased. She is a 3 in 1 means , a perfect mother, a perfect housewife, a perfect wife or you could say "happily ever after".

Endearing/positive qualities:

Ability to set and work very hard towards their goals (workaholic and have ability to stand nights without sleeping).

Vulnerable when in love as due to their over logical nature, they can’t balance their emotional side and it can deeply overwhelm them. When they have outburst it may scare you.

Qualities that can drive you a bit crazy:

Too over friendly that will drive the love partner crazy with jealousy Suggested ways to show endearment: don’t ever try to tie the person down, give space (u see, there are certain people that can be very friendly with others but they heart only belongs to one person. so don't worry. Because worry also no point. Once his/her heart is not with you, the person will definitely leave. No point of holding on, anyway)

Zodiac in which they develop mutual understanding: Virgo and Taurus.
Zodiac in which a bit challenging and need more patience and understanding: Cancer (potentially explosive combination- I have witnessed far too many that I feel there is a need to forewarn), Aries and Libra.

5 more months

2007-06-15T08:21:00.000+08:00

Wow, as of today, 5 more months and we'll be celebrating our 4th year together.

Wow.

Happy Monthsary to me!

ha!

2007-06-15T08:19:00.000+08:00

Nicky Hilton's dress has the same print pattern as mine!

Take that, you fashion critics-wannabes!

Shut your pie hole if you have nothing better to say, comprende?

miss you much

2007-06-14T08:41:00.001+08:00

Again, nostalgia rises up on me.

It's weird how a feeling of loneliness amidst a floor full of people make you want to run towards the other direction.

I absolutely hate it.

These past few days had me stressed (again!) over things I should not really be caring about. Heck if they don't care about it, why should I right?

This is not an in-your-face, you-owe-me moment but yes, sometimes, you just want to do that for them to realize what they're doing to you.

Okay, so this isn't my most holy deed but then again, they're men and no gentlemen at that.

Want to see a man who disses a woman? Go here and meet them for yourself.

Oh well, it doesn't surprise me since a prime example already is how one of them has treated his martyr of a girlfriend.

All bark, no bite kiddo.

And when my closest friend here leaves, I will be stuck eating alone because my so-called friends don't even bother to ask me to join them ever since they step foot here.

Geez, I want to shout at myself. Grow up.

What do I expect from these guys anyways? They're so juvenile.

They don't respect their relationships, much less their better halves. How can you expect they treat a "friend", right?

I miss being with my boyfriend. Even in that hell hole of an office.

At the very least, every end of the day promises a breather with him being there.

Just a glimpse of him in all the craziness makes everything worthwhile.

I just wish he is also here with me, saving me from all of these. All the unnecessary stress, all the stupidity of them.

I just wish I wasn't that helpful, getting "friends" on board and leading better lives.

I would have probably been happier.

One of those regrets.

scenario

2007-06-13T17:23:00.001+08:00

What's worst than a group of gossipy girls?

Men who does it.

retro chic

2007-06-13T10:46:00.000+08:00

Love her dress!

realization

2007-06-12T16:25:00.000+08:00

Being highly emotional about a lot of stuff.

Worrying to much of what one does, what others may say and what the future holds.

Always walking on eggshells, trying to please and make everyone happy.

Hope this time, it's going to be about me...

star comment

2007-06-12T15:39:00.000+08:00

"Love is something you work at.
It doesn't come easily.
There are going to be bad days.
You are going to have to work at loving someone when they are being an idiot.
People think they're just going to meet the perfect guy.
Don't be ridiculous."

- Kelly Clarkson

safe and secure

2007-06-08T17:45:00.000+08:00

What makes someone secure?

Is it the amount of money he gets to accumulate in this lifetime?

Is it the sound of a hello from a family member who is living far away?

Is it a comforting hug from a loved one you haven't seen for a long time?

Is it that reassuring "i love you" from a partner after every hardship conquered?

Is it fame and popularity?

Is it a spoken promise of being loved no matter what, whoever and whatever temptation came along the way?

What?

In this lifetime, in this time now, I don't think there is any way of feeling secured.

Everyday, every time, you encounter something that would shake the ground from beneath you and make you slip, thinking if there's someone who will catch you.

Everyday, every time, you meet someone who seems fitting in his life, and you feel that unwanted and unsolicited threat of what she is, has and can offer.

And then, you're shot back to the reality that you can only protect your heart from so much, and yet it would still feel pain. It would still hurt deep, down inside.

You try so hard to fathom the idea that of course not, you are here now. This is you and him now. Nothing else can ever take that away, because you won't let it.

little girl lost

2007-06-08T15:39:00.000+08:00

"Nobody was as wild as Lindsay," he says. "But Nicole came close. Sometimes Paris Hilton would be there but the most I saw her do was drink and strip.
"One night Lindsay and Nicole were making trip after trip to the bathroom -- she wouldn't snort in front of me because she knew I'd get mad.

"But the more wasted they got the less she cared. In the end they carried in a mirror from the bedroom, laid it on the coffee table and emptied a mountain of coke onto it. They went at the stuff with straws, hoovering it all up then piling more on."
- Lee Weaver, former Lohan bodyguard

star comment

2007-06-07T17:01:00.000+08:00

"Try not to take your time on earth for granted....
Death waits for us all.
The only answer is to get out there and live each day."

- Bruce Willis

dumbass

2007-06-05T13:54:00.000+08:00

This David and Goliath brand and label is really funny! I am so hooked on it!

With their witty tags and semantics, you won't feel the truth behind the humor unless you've experienced it yourself.

Say today for instance, I noticed a group of guys huddling and giggling like pre-schoolers obviously giddy over a girl.

And to think they claim they are very much devoted to their girlfriends.

Cut the bullshit guys. Who are you convincing? Us girls or yourselves? Please.

Even with our eyes closed, we can feel when a man is not entirely saying the truth. The frustrating part is how guys can make it seem like its a proud thing to say when they're not living testaments to it anyways.

Believe me, 90% of the guys I know who have girlfriends look at other girls as if they're single.

90% of these guys even has the nerve to profess having this huge crush over a girl - a team mate, office mate or whatever the case may be.

Bottom line, they don't tell the truth and even if they do, it's too late for us to believe them anymore.

I am just hoping against hope that when the time comes and it's the reverse, these guys would learn how hard it is to trust someone who does not even have the decency to say the truth.

Beware of a girl's instincts.

We know when a stupid team mate gets too close for comfort with our boyfriends.

We know when a lame excuse for a drinking sessions involves stupid and flirtatious girls (who, by the way, has nothing better to do with their lame lives)

We know when a stupid girl who wants to look innocent is the contrary.

We know when our boyfriend went out and had fun with some random girls we haven't met before, just because.

We just know. So stop pretending like we don't.

i want this get-up

2007-06-05T10:02:00.001+08:00

got you thinking

2007-06-05T09:36:00.000+08:00

From Tampupot:

Who should be blamed when a leaf falls from a tree?

Is it the wind that blew it away?

Or the tree that let it go?

Or is it the leaf who grew tired of holding on?

cuties

2007-06-04T15:39:00.000+08:00

david and goliath

2007-06-04T14:20:00.001+08:00

my love affair with David and Goliath:

setting in

2007-06-04T14:07:00.000+08:00

does it really come a time when you feel as if a person does not really need you?

whether it be in his life, as his love, or in the future?

or is it just the setting in of paranoia, becoming this bi-polared person not knowing minute after minute of what you're feeling?

is this valid?

or just plain crazy and unnecessary to think and feel about?

is it okay to ask questions?

or just it hamper oneself in enjoying how wonderful life truly is, regardless of everything bad in it?

is it just over-analyzing? over-thinking? and over-assessing?

probably.

just enjoy. drink in the moments life gives you everyday.

the chance to be with friends, have a stable work

the chance to enjoy family

and the chance of having let someone come into your life, a stranger you've gotten to know for 4 years and more and soaking in every minute you learn things about it him.

whether good, bad or ugly.

names names names

2007-06-04T10:57:00.000+08:00

I've been keeping a log of cute and inspiring baby names, but only in mind and not in writing.

So for me to keep track for future use (naks!), I'm putting some here.

BABY NAMES (regardless of gender) too cute not to be used:

1. Ainee
2. Avery
3. Mischa
4. Brent
5. Candace
6. Kirstin
7. Violet
8. Villette
9. Happee
10. Peaches
11. Maleehna
12. Blake
13. Hayden
14. Hailey
15. Caitlin
16. Danelle
17. Ginger
18. Paige
19. Piper
20. Parker
21. Brett
22. Trent

BABY NAMES I wouldn't dare give a kid:

1. Fiona (my friends would know why, hehe)
2. Patricia (reminds me of bitchy girls and terror teachers)
3. Christian
4. Joy
5. Anna (an ex, don't ask)
6. Tess (sounds too motherly)

weekend shebang

2007-06-04T08:52:00.000+08:00

I spent the weekend, what else, working.

Since I'm on my last shift ever, I didn't actually mind since I'm gaining a day-off out of it anyways.

After months of not seeing my dear 'ol friend Clauds, we met for dinner and shopping. Gosh, missed her so much!

Of course, all we did was talk about life and love and clothes and shoes and work and everything else under the sun while shopping away our hard-earned pays.

Short of saying I have no moolah left hehe.

Before meeting her, I shopped away my sadness around the bazaar area and went home with:

- 2 Hollister cut-off pants in army green and khaki
- 1 Banana Rep purple blouse
- 1 Genes baby-pink capris
- 1 A&F pink hoodie blouse
- 1 RL navy blue tee
- earrings

Clauds and I also bought, as corny as it may sound, a "friendship bag" - identical bags we will use.

We decided on buying a crisp, pearl white Chanel chain bag and it's such a darling to look at.

Both clad in summer shorts and flats, we continued to scour stalls after stalls, looking at summer dresses and tops we can try on. Thirsty, we then decided to cool off with fresh coconut juice drinks and hit the stalls again.

After a few hours, we looked around the Promenade for a place to have dinner and decided to try out Peri-Peri Char-grilled Chicken House.

The chicken is fantastic! Grilled to perfection, you can also choose 2 sidelines (that's what they call it) that comes along with the meal, which at a few hundred bucks is not so bad.

I had mashed potato and buttered veggies with mine while she got mashed potato and coleslaw with hers.

Then its off to the drinking sessions, where as patrons, we got VIP service in this grill house at the 2nd floor. Chechar, Clauds' better half, joined us there afterwards.

And so, despite me being completely bummed out because of the stupid summer outing my boyfriend went to, I had so much fun bonding with my friends.

There really is more to life than having a love life.

I was still bummed about it until yesterday, when I learned my martyr of a boyfriend agreed in driving those bitches to and fro Batangas, Sucat and Cavite.

Such poor planning if you tell me.

This bitch who owns the stupid van didn't even have one single thought in her puny brain when she proudly volunteered her stupid van, which they had to return to Cavite after using!

Hello?!!!

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Oh well, no sense draining my little left energy over that stupid girl.

I'm going shopping later.

brutality

2007-06-04T08:44:00.001+08:00

"There is no faithful man,
Just a patient and stupid woman"

green in me

2007-06-01T14:35:00.000+08:00

SO TRUE!

Step 1: Select Your Favorite Color
Simply look at the colors below and pick the one that you prefer to view (not necessarily the color you use in dressing or decorating).

Step 2: Get Your Results
Now that you've chosen the color that you prefer to look at, check out the corresponding description below to find out what this says about your love style

-- and the way that you relate to your version of Mr. Right.

If Your Chosen Color Is Green...

When you first meet a man, your practical and nurturing ways encourage him to talk about his life right away. You make Mr. Right feel comfortable. He feels that you fully support him.

It's easy for you to see exactly what's important to a man from the start. Trust your instincts, along with your keen listening skills, because they help you understand what a man wants from a relationship.

Intelligence in the other sex is a real turn-on for you. It entices your curiosity.

In the end, you marry or commit for security. This might mean having a home with children, lots of money or a relationship in which you feel cared for. Your permanent Mr. Right will be a stabilizing personality in your life. "Greens" marry the stable guys!

One word of warning: You are open to the world and appear innocent, and these qualities can make it difficult for you to find your true Mr. Right. Some men misinterpret you altogether and later may be shocked or disappointed when the real you isn't what they expected.

- - - - -

Thanks to TinaPie's blog!

when celebs abuse rehab

2007-05-31T15:32:00.000+08:00

Lindsay Lohan is back in rehab. Back? Wasn’t she just there? Fellow bad girl Britney Spears wasn’t in long enough for her hair to grow back. Meanwhile, Paris Hilton zipped right by rehab and picked up the GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL card.

In the last year or so, rehab has become the ultimate publicity tool, a brief break from the glitzy life, a chance to burnish one’s reputation. (The bad girls aren’t alone in this regard; see Mel Gibson, Isaiah Washington.) What we’ve forgotten is that rehab is supposed to result in rehabilitation. Hence the name. Rehabilitating one’s life, when it’s broken and damaged, is not just a weekend stay.

I never went to rehab. I should have. I plunged willingly, desperately, into addiction at the pliable age of 15. My poison, my love, was speed. It came in pretty colored tablets called amphetamines. Over the years it changed to capsules—some clear with orange and black granules inside, some pure black. Like the devil. Like hell.

Like the hell I lived in well into my 20s. Cocaine replaced pills at some point. But that wasn’t a big change. I was on the same rushing road—the road that too often leads to a fiery blinding end, way before your years would justify death by anything other than a speeding car or a bullet.

I quit because I decided not to die. I quit all alone—the same way I started. I quit in spite of long nights when the taste of cocaine would come up in my throat—drifting up out of my cells, I guess—and I wanted it so badly my nails dug into my palms until they drew blood. I quit by trying to live inside a body that was so much older than my years—I could actually feel my blood, my organs lurching along, almost like they were asking what they were supposed to do without the jacked up jolt of the drugs they’d gotten used to for so many years. My thoughts, my head, my dreams … black doesn’t even begin to describe that territory. For over a decade, I’d only known the world through the blur of speed.

It was the late '70s. There probably was rehab in some form, but I didn’t know, and I didn’t search. I wish so badly now that I had been able to go into a facility like the ones that abound now. An environment dedicated to pushing me into wellness. An environment with people who had already stumbled down the road that was before me, people who could teach me, console me, shake me up. People who knew my excuses, my rationalizations, my manipulations even before they came out of my mouth.

It makes me angry when I see how the opportunity of being in rehab can be abused as nothing more than a slick PR move. A brief retreat from the paparazzi. How lucky these celebrities are to be able to go to one of these facilities (which are not cheap) and to benefit from the wisdom and help that waits behind the gates.

I struggled for years to learn on my own what someone like Lohan could learn in months, if she were willing to do so. Of course, that learning also has to be followed by practice. Every day. Forever. But it can start in rehab.

Abusing ourselves with any kind of substance abuse is a violation of the gift of life—it isn’t what any of us were put here for. And treating rehab like it’s just a strategic career move is practically blasphemous.

I imagine the other people in these rehab facilities, watching a celebrity breeze in for a week or so, then leave. I imagine their anger—actually, I don’t have to imagine it, I feel it, too. It’s hard to fix the places where you’re broken, hard to wrestle with your demons. If you don’t take the help that’s available along the way, there will come a day when you are left all alone with demons that have grown so big and so vicious that you can’t defeat them. A lot of people know that and commit themselves to the hard and serious work of rehab.

They're the ones who won't have to face the bleak dark road that waits for those celebrities who believe bright lights define them.

- Patti Davis, former wild child of Nancy and Ronald Reagan

shiny

2007-05-30T16:54:00.000+08:00

Eating alone...so what's new...

Sometimes, out of loneliness, there is no desire anymore.

Waiting. But I've been waiting all the time.

I want to think this is how independence feels like, and yet, I don't want to get there.

Been by myself most of the times anyways.

Apart from being surrounded by a lot of people, funny how it doesn't make any difference and you still hollow. Empty.

There's shattered glass everywhere.

fear of getting lost

2007-05-30T09:30:00.000+08:00

I don't know who to go to.

Realizing how much energy and love I am putting in a relationship with me ending up not knowing what to do with myself when it is gone.

It made me sad.

I confess, I was so lost.

- Britney Spears

lingering questions

2007-05-30T08:28:00.000+08:00

Is it really better to find someone who loves you more than you love him?

or

Is it better to stick it out and make it work with someone whose love you know is lesser than yours?

itching

2007-05-29T14:26:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I am so restless these past few days. Restless in the most literal kind of way.

It seems as if I can't stay seated here where I am.

Like any minute, I would rather be crashing the waves somewhere out there with him.

I don't want to just sit here wondering.

And yet, as if I have a choice.

Goodness, what is wrong with me? It's just one effing weekend.

I can do this.

I survived Australia. I survived Singapore. Heck, I survived it alongside China and HongKong.

I can do this.

Take me away from all this madness.

ink stains

2007-05-29T08:09:00.000+08:00

I can't believe I'm saying this, but these past few days, I found myself posting blogs here unlike before.

Maybe because of the crappy connection we have been experiencing every morning. Instead of downloading thousands of my emails, I'm stuck with waiting and browsing for the mean time.

Not that I'm complaining but painting the picture of receiving tons of unread emails is not something I want to deal with every waking day.

Especially when you're in my position when you get in by the hundreds.

Oh well, life.

It's probably a learning to be more patient about things. To be more accepting rather than judgmental and to be more mature in handling things.

Not that I am not.

But I know I'm not fully there yet. Still on my way, though.

I'm starting to miss him again.

Two years into this career and I still find myself looking up from my laptop, hoping I can get a glimpse of him around any cubicle.

Like how it was used to be.

I still find myself waiting for the lunch hour so we can both go down and cross the street towards the lunch kiosks.

I still miss that.

And I'm still not used to it.

Everything is different there now, of course.

With his new responsibility and promotion, he is way busier than before. He sometimes even tells me he can't afford to have lunch on time.

This makes me sad coz I know this will happen.

But then again, it's a good thing he's no longer under that hideous boss of his. He's in a far better place having a good team behind him with a new boss that is way cooler.

Yet, he is still there. Goodness, he's been there for 5 years already.

Is it really that long already? Goodness.

It was just like yesterday when I left, even if I didn't want to.

But like our friends have said, it was actually a healthy move for both us. We get to miss each more and more because of the set up.

For some, it was detrimental. You know, leaving the same company you belong to. Some have even broken up because of the "distance".

So scary when you think about it.

Okay, I'm just typing away my random thoughts again. Still waiting for the stupid connection to get up.

take me away again

2007-05-28T17:54:00.000+08:00

bump on the road

2007-05-28T10:20:00.002+08:00

I found myself thinking again last night.

No, scratch that. Worrying probably is the best word to describe it.

I kept asking myself: Why do I worry all the time on what will happen? Nothing will happen, okay?"

Yes, I'm starting to become a schizo.

I won't see him this weekend.

The reason? A stupid department outing....AGAIN.

We actually discussed this already, over doughnuts and coffee, where he explained and assured me of everything about it. I admire him for that.

I'm just not used not being able to spend my weekend with him.

Sometimes I assess this attachment I have towards him and come up with one logical answer...because I might be leaving in two years time for the States....Might being the operative word.

Of course, there's nothing final nor confirmed about it. But probably unconsciously, me wanting to spend every time I can with him points to this factor.

I don't want to leave. Just the thought of me leaving and not knowing when I will come back leaves me short of breath most of the time. Yep, panic attacks.

I have no plans when this time comes. I don't know what I will be doing then.

I am just clueless. I can't just board a plane and not know what will happen next. It's simply unacceptable for me and my life.

I just wish it won't happen soon or I will be the most depressed human being on the face of the planet. No one can probably be able to talk to me.

nuni meme

2007-05-28T09:48:00.000+08:00

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

Curiosity Killer
Chrissy
Kim
Nuninu
Message in a Bottle

Next select five people to tag: (if you haven’t done it already)

Mojacko
Red Almighty
Ganns Deen
Tinapot
Marky

What were you doing 10 years ago?

T'was 1997....so I am in my junior year in highschool, probably buying school supplies at around this time of the year. It was actually one of the summer things I am always looking forward to every year. New notebooks, new pens and of course, new school bag! In a matter of weeks, I will be again walking the school corridors in my new school shoes along with my matching Guess socks :)

What were you doing 1 year ago?

A year ago, I just came back from a weekend beach getaway in Fuego

Five snacks you enjoy

Cracklings and Pritos Ring
Iced Banana with Sago
Tater's Sour and Cream popcorn
Krispy Kreme Original Glazed along with their Smooth Robust coffee
Conti's Mango Bravo ice cream cake

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

Without You by Charlie Wilson (my wedding song :))
Learning to Breathe by Switchfoot
F4 songs (yep, all in Mandarin)
Pieces of Me by Ashlee Simpson
Kailangan Kita (Papa P!)

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

Buy a beautiful beach resort for me to manage and retire young
Buy a condo unit in Essensa
Get married in Europe and tour the world for my honeymoon
Buy a vineyard for my family
Buy a beach front property in the Hamptons along with a Mercedes, SUV, BMW and private helicopter

Five bad habits:

Organize freak
Can be really neurotic
Crybaby
Love of junkfood
So particular with time and punctuality

Five things you like doing:

Shopping
Sleeping
Reading
Beach bumming
Traveling with my boyfriend

Five things you would never wear again <-- can I change this to 5 things I would never wear EVER?

Anything see through
Anything with shoulder pads
Stockings
Tights
Wooden sandals

Five favorite toys:

Mobile Phone (can't live without it)
Does Hello Kitty count?
Word puzzles

childhood memories

2007-05-25T08:17:00.000+08:00

Last night, amidst the pouring rain and the heavy traffic, I accompanied my mom in the supermarket to buy our usual routine of household items.

I am so domesticated that way...enjoying every bit of step in the grocery aisles, while browsing through stacks of paper towels, soaps, cookies and junkfood.

Speaking of junkfood, I stumbled upon a few ones that made me remember my childhood. And so, I started thinking of the other snacks I used to sneak in the house when I was little...

PRITOS RING
The famous red foil pack containing crunchy, bbq-flavored ringlets

POMPOMS
Usually comes in a little, yellow plastic pack with it's airy tiny curls

ALMO
The original "ovaltinies". Comes in little, colorful packets of blue, red, green and yellow. I remember it being 25 cents each

KOBI
Snacks shaped in french fries and tastes like one too

CHISNAK
Flower-shaped snacks and a local take on the PIKNIK packaging

RINBEE
Leaving orange stains in the fingers, this string potato snack re-invented itself in a more modern foil packaging

SNACKU
Green vegetable-inspired snack

SQUID RING
Squid version of Pritos Ring

I'm still trying to rack up some more from memory but isn't it great how food brings you back to the old times?

digging deeper

2007-05-24T08:48:00.000+08:00

I once read a blog post from a group friend that says:

"Sometimes, in our desire to be perfect for someone, we lose sight of ourselves in our imperfections. Yet, it's what makes us who we are. Perfect in all those imperfections"

Sad but true.

In this vast world where love seems to be the only answer sometimes, digging deeper and looking at yourself better makes you wonder why a person loves you the way they do.

Is it because you're pretty?
Is it because you're intelligent?
Is it because you're rich?
Is it because you're available?
Or is it simply because you make him happy?

Sometimes, the simpler a question may seem, the more difficult it is to find an answer.

However you want to make things smooth and okay, not perfect, the more it doesn't usually happen that way.

You change things about yourself for both of your convenience, more for him, just to sleep more soundly at night and keep your sanity, hoping that everything will get better after.

And yet, you realize that there really is no contentment in this world.

That as much as you have given more of yourself to make someone happy, there will always come a point you will come up short.

That he will still ask for things you will never understand, or even if you do, makes you wonder why this person says he loves you.

Love is holistic. It's not puzzle that gives you the free hand to take out the pieces.

And yet, every night when you lay in bed squeezing your brains out for a better answer, all you can ever find is this one reason...

Because you love him...

que horror!

2007-05-24T08:44:00.000+08:00

I never thought it will happen...but then it did...

My one and only source of being aware of peoples' lives in this lifetime of mine have been taken away....

Yep, some wacko got the idea that what if for fun, they put a firewall so we here can't access it.

So much for having the office as your so-called "second home".

Just when I was starting to realize how lucky I am to be where I am right now, something like this wakes you up from that dream, bursting your bubble into oblivion.

So much for luck and so much for home...

counting minutes

2007-05-18T18:50:00.000+08:00

Yep, am still here waiting for the van...

The van that will, hopefully, take me away and bring me to a blissful and stress-free weekend getaway.

I am hoping against all hope everything will turn out okay. Not perfect. Okay is fine with me at this point.

I'm not expecting a romantic getaway, given the bitch that's coming along with us.

But nonetheless, it's still a beach getaway and that pretty much sums it up.

I am way stressed for this outing, to think that it's just for the weekend. Am also wondering what I have been quite uptight with myself with regard to all the planning.

Probably because I'm a strong believer that when a plan is set and made, you see it through no matter what. It cannot be called a plan when it's not like that right?

Oh well, be leaving in a while. Wish me luck...

happy box

2007-05-18T08:47:00.000+08:00

Thinking of things that makes me the happiest. . .no fail. . .

- getting spoiled by my dad, along with his corny jokes
- dinner outs and grocery shopping with my mom
- relationship talks with my little brother (yep, he's growing up oh so fast)
- clauds and tampupot, my friends who know me best
- simang, my ultimate defender
- my collection of Lacoste bags
- over 30 pairs (and counting!) of my beloved Havaiannas
- krispy kreme!
- splitting a mango bravo ice cream cake with my mom
- leisure walking along High Street
- picking out shoes and clothes at Bayo
- cold rock!
- beach bumming
- listening to F4 in my Ipod, relinquishing those Meteor Garden days (hehe!)
- chris evans of fantastic 4
- james franco's smile
- that's so raven!
- my army of Hello Kitty collectibles
- disney channel!
- Seattle's Best Vanilla Latte (large please!)
- Starbucks Iced Shaken Double Shot Espresso
- Coffee Bean's Moroccan Mint Latte
- Tuna Salpicao from Kitchen
- Jamaican Patties!
- walking barefoot around the house
- my untouched boxful of Bath and Body Works stuff, gift from my dad
- Old Navy flipflops in all colors
- my blue Crumpler laptop messenger bag
- baby blue bedroom slippers from Debenhams, Christmas treat
- pink Burberry wallet from Indonesia
- cracklings by the dozen!
- my Jansport travel bag
- singapore's Plaza Singapura
- singapore's Chang-i domestic terminal
- sentosa!
- bugis Night Market!
- ice cream sandwiches
- shacking in 5-star hotels
- little Basti and baby Shiloh
- sunday morning brunches
- newly changed bed covers and blankies
- driving around the country-side
- mangoes!
- iced bananas!
- tagaytay's little mangoes
- fuego beach!
- dancing up a storm

Can you guess what's missing?

moody moi

2007-05-15T13:27:00.000+08:00

I've been experiencing mood swings lately. Weird.

One moment I can get super elated, basking in every happiness there is and then after which, someone will say or do something that will bring me back to earth and with all its suckiness.

All around me, couples either break-up or reunite. Sometimes I wish I can just shout at them and say, "Geez! Make up your freakin mind, will ya!"

It's such a prick in the skin whenever you see things unfold the way they do when you have already exhausted all your efforts in making them see there is still another option. That HE is not the only answer.

But no. Apparently, LOVE wins over.

That LOVE bullshit again.

I am not blogging because I am yet again "heart-broken". In fact, I am more than contented with what I have and where I am right now.

It's just some people are putting icings in their own pathetic love lives just so people can stop and say "So, they finally made it.". When in fact, it's just that, icing. Nothing more.

And we get sucked in their whirlwind story that you will often stop and wonder, "Why the hell am I here again when this is not my story anyways?".

It's so freakin exhausting. I'm soooo sick and tired of people telling stories about their love woes, who you in turn give the best advice you can muster, but for what? For them to put it down the drain.

I just don't wanna be there anymore. Why can't they just leave me alone?

So here I am, spending more than what is needed of my time in this blog, creating this post about people who will never, ever learn anything of what LOVE truly is. Of what RELATIONSHIPS truly are built on.

I am no expert. Heck, I never will be. But this one thing I know...

A person who can let you go that easily never loved you in the first place, so why bother...

shopping frenzy

2007-04-26T11:13:00.000+08:00

There seems to be something wrong with me....

Lately, I seem to have developed some sort of shopping frenzy....

I know, some of you who knows me well would stop and think, "huh?, but that it so her! Ms. Shopaholic!" :)

It's actually not a bad thing, but it just felt like I missed out on the shopping with all events I have been engaged in for the last couple of weeks or months.

I think it's mainly because my dad was home for the summer (he left last week). Of course, instead of devoting my time scouring through clothes racks and hunting for bargains, I am either at home, eating out or visiting relatives with my family.

Even outings with my boyfriend includes my family.

So now that my schedule and routines seemed back to normal, I am making up for lost time. Lost time on shopping, on boyfriend, on friends etc.

In the last few weeks, I have invested in buying a lot of clothes and shoes. The store staff at Bayo even greets me now whenever I come in, being the regular customer that I am there.

I even had a shopping spree with Pogs and bought 3 havaiannas all at once. Yeah, I know. I probably need help from buyer's remorse.

But all's well that started well...at least my last few purchases included "office" clothes (that would mean shirts and blouses) and flats (I bought 1 style in 2 colors).

So far, what I'm looking into buying next is far from clear. I'm actually staying away from malls as much as I can, but what can I say, the mall is my haven...hehe

Dropping some cash for my beach outfits is on my next list...*wink*wink*

so ironic

2007-04-04T09:05:00.000+08:00

Funny how sad you can be missing someone so much that it hurts and yet being even more sad when you're finally together...

shocker

2007-04-04T09:01:00.000+08:00

I haven't genuinely smiled for quite some time...

Who would have thought that my first smile of the day would come from a German guy...

gonna miss this brat...

2007-03-23T07:59:00.000+08:00

mbc girls

first photo op..hwek hwek (haloween)

RM team + 1

today

2007-03-22T08:01:00.000+08:00

He left for China today...

At this time, he's aboard a plane on a 6-hour flight...

With his officemates I hate, bosses I despise and skanks that should be thrown off the plane with no parachute...

I hate this feeling...I don't even know how to ever control feelings like these.

"See your smile each morning
Look into your eyes each night
For the rest of my life"

- Leigh Nash

hating goodbyes and airports

2007-03-21T08:58:00.000+08:00

It's that time of the year again....

I hate it....I honestly, truly hate it....

What good is it to get out of the country when you can't experience it with the one person you want to?

He's going to China and HK this year. Even that Fugliona is joining the HK trip even if she didn't reach her effing quota.

Last year, it was Australia.

Yah I know, it's just 1 week. But it still seems like an eternity for me.

I absolutely hate this feeling and I wish I don't get to feel this way every single time.

I hate the fact of him leaving, even for just a short while, because we don't get to be there together. It feels as if I am on pause again.

The mere thought of us being apart at this time of the year leaves a sickening pain in my stomach...like I'm about to hurl any second...or worst, burst out uncontrollably into tears...

I must admit I'm too weak for goodbyes.

Probably because I never got used to it. My dad has been going back and forth to the States since I was a little. There was nothing happy about it and here I am, bringing the same feeling at this age of my life.

Saying goodbye, seeing people leave, for long or short, is never going to sit well with me.

I am on pause till he gets back.

dead man rising

2007-03-16T13:45:00.000+08:00

Skank alert y'all!

Yep, I did it indeed!

Doesn't she resemble a twin-look alike of Ai-Ai Delas Alas *snicker*snicker*

I know, I know, I am super duper bad for doing this but this girl deserves more than this actually....she wreck an innocent spirit of a woman who's only fault is giving her everything to her man.

Hmmm...a relationship-wrecker??!

Okay, okay, let's give her the benefit of the doubt. Mind you, this girl is not a friend whatsoever. Nor do I have any desire to be her friend in this lifetime or the next.

If she is really a good person, who minds her own business (love life, work life etc.), she should have had the courtesy (at the very least) and respect for a relationship.

But no, she sticked her fork in a quiet relationship and ruined what could have been a happy future and a happy ending.

Yes, it is imminent that I don't like her. This I can say with all honesty that I never will like her. She ruined a friend's life, a friend's belief in relationships and prevented her from dealing with it head-on, like a strong person.

This is a silent fight for a friend who cannot fight for herself, because it is not in her nature to fight for what is rightfully hers. She is just too, too kind to be able to do that. That is why friends, in their concern and hopefulness, do it for her willingly because they know she can't.

This a silent fight for someone who has been so hurt, so disappointed in what happened to her relationship that up until now, she is still trying to look for that elusive light in the dark tunnel. With hope? we don't know.

Okay, they may have all started to mend their broken hearts. But the damage has been done.

Okay, she may not be the only reason for whatever happened.

But then again, we don't have the answers right?

All I can say is, she is not a person worth trusting, worth knowing, even worth talking to. She may look pristine, poised and polished, but she is trash nonetheless in the eyes who know better.

Yes, I will say it here.

Beware of her...

Beware of what she can do...

Beware of what she is after...

Because you'll never know what she is capable of....especially to those who are blinded by her "fake" beauty...blinded and defending her....

a little girl lost

2007-03-14T16:27:00.001+08:00

Wow, is this true?! I'm here, blogging again?!

Yah, yah, yah, I know, it's been ages since I've been here. Actually, I'm not sure what to say on where I've been and why I've been dormant since who knows when..hehehe

I just felt like taking a time away from my busy, busy work life and get back on the writing track.

So much has happened, goodness, I even don't know where to begin.

It suddenly hit me that tomorrow is our monthsary (yay, payday!). It felt a shiver when I come to think of all the couples I know who has broken up in the span of 2 months.

There's my ever weak/blind friend, with whom his boyfriend made the split, early into the year.

That was one of the indications that love is more effective being shown and not being told. The guy is the type of boyfriend who never ceases to showcase his verbal skills when it comes to their relationship.

He was one of those uber expressive guys who never hesitates to name drop the big "M" word. There was even a time us girls became envious with that kind of openness in marriage....but we were so dead wrong...

They are in the "pause/on-hold" period and yes, you guessed it right, it's the guy who wants that. How impressive, yah? There is really such a thing of having an unbalanced relationship wherein one is the confident one and one is the...well...non-confident one...

Other couples in the group now think, why the heck are these guys simply giving up on a relationship they invested so much time and effort into? Is it really that easy now? Like you're not dealing with another human being on the receiving end?

There was a more recent couple who also experienced the same thing. Yep, it's also the guy who asked for the split...

And get this, it was because of another girl (oh no! another Fifi!)

Some guys really don't get it....

a few of my favorite things

2007-03-14T15:58:00.000+08:00

Like a butterfly fluttering across oceans and seas...

[] La Union surfing
[] Fuego beach
[] Boracay sands
[] Panglao waves
[] Mactan scenery

Feasting on delectable sweets, treats for the palette...

[] Vanilla Sunshine cupcake by Sonja's
[] Ultimate Carrot Cake by Dome
[] Original Glazed by Krispy Kreme
[] Caramel Apple by SanFo Treats
[] Big Breakfasts by Midway (only in La Union)
[] Yam hopia by Eng Bee Tin

Banana-Crazy!

[] Banana Walnut pancakes by Pancake House
[] Whole Wheat Banana Peanut pancakes (c/o "In Her Shoes")
[] Banana Cream Pie by Coffee Bean
[] Banoffee Pie by Starbucks

An hour in the mall is never enough nor acceptable...

[] Bayo (for everything!)
[] Ralph Lauren (Polo Sport and RL)
[] Lacoste (for their bags and polos)
[] Apple & Eve

Cushion-seating with popcorn in hand...

[] Clueless (Cher personified)
[] Never Been Kissed
[] Matilda
[] Freaky Friday
[] Confessions of A Teenage Drama Queen
[] The Notebook

beaten and broken

2007-02-08T09:16:00.000+08:00

Funny how we think of the beginning when something in our lives has ended...

The voice of Brad Pitt ringing in my head in that quiet scene from Mr. and Mrs. Smith....

I'm back again to this writing space after a really long time. My main reason is being so swamped out with work, I don't even have the time to even breathe sometimes..yep, that's how it feels.

It's been a busy, busy couple of months..not to mention it being loaded with drama so overwhelming I don't even know where to start...

Realization sets in...

It's hard to imagine parting ways with someone who has gotten so immersed and embedded in your life...a job, a career, a friend...a lover...

Just thinking of putting face amongst quizzical looks in your family and friends' faces is a like carrying tons of bricks at your back, knowing that every answer to their questions will be like a slap in the face...again...

When it happens to a close friend, a sister-like person in your life, gulping down every sordid detail also pains you...something I never thought I am capable of feeling.

You want to feel detached to the idea, as if you're just watching a sappy movie and hoping that like every story, a happy ending will unfold.

But this story has not yet needed. No one has moved on. We're still glued to our seats, waiting for further details to unravel.

Pieces are still broken...hearts are still being mended...coping is still out of the question...

The mystery in the air is so thick, it's suffocating...

Let us all breathe and take a rest from all these madness...