bump on the road
I found myself thinking again last night.No, scratch that. Worrying probably is the best word to describe it.
I kept asking myself: Why do I worry all the time on what will happen? Nothing will happen, okay?"
Yes, I'm starting to become a schizo.
I won't see him this weekend.
The reason? A stupid department outing....AGAIN.
We actually discussed this already, over doughnuts and coffee, where he explained and assured me of everything about it. I admire him for that.
I'm just not used not being able to spend my weekend with him.
Sometimes I assess this attachment I have towards him and come up with one logical answer...because I might be leaving in two years time for the States....Might being the operative word.
Of course, there's nothing final nor confirmed about it. But probably unconsciously, me wanting to spend every time I can with him points to this factor.
I don't want to leave. Just the thought of me leaving and not knowing when I will come back leaves me short of breath most of the time. Yep, panic attacks.
I have no plans when this time comes. I don't know what I will be doing then.
I am just clueless. I can't just board a plane and not know what will happen next. It's simply unacceptable for me and my life.
I just wish it won't happen soon or I will be the most depressed human being on the face of the planet. No one can probably be able to talk to me.
posted by starry-eyed lean at
10:20 AM
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