message in a bottle: November 2006

faith in prayers

It was a huge awakening...an enlightening way of making me realize there really is no control over things.

In the wake of an upcoming storm, I found strength in believing that all things will be okay. Every breath is an uttered prayer to be spared from an impending devastation.

I am more than thankful that change is present.

A whispered prayer running in my every thought. Please let us get through this.

As the skies turned gray, there is only a slight glimmer of hope behind it, hoping for the sun to once again shine its rays. A new sunny day that welcomes a thanksgiving like no other.

Every dry opportunity is one glorious salvation for mankind. An uttered prayer, a blissful redemption, a saved soul, a healed heart and a moment of faith.

i own me

Our culture is inundated with messages that lead us down a path of self-destruction. Happiness is equated with things we do not have... cars, money, 6-pack abs, awards, lifestyles, or even just a soda. Knowledge is equated with wealth, albeit accumulated or inherited. This is the disease of our culture, assuring us that we are never smart enough, never wealthy enough, never have enough.

We are not happy with our spouses, so we get divorced. We’re not happy with our homes, so we relocate our families and buy bigger until we can’t afford them. We shop until our credit is used up and we go bankrupt. We are not happy with our jobs, so we join in hurtful politics to try to accelerate our promotions. We’re not happy with our employees so we hire new ones. We’re not happy with our profits, so we let faithful employees go.

We are a culture of individuals who are told that hording is the best path to happiness. The grass is always greener – the next girlfriend, the next home, the next city, the next job, the next drink, the next election, the next, next, next... We are never taught to be happy with what we have now. We must have it, and have it now. That’s when we’ll be happy.

Don’t rely on anyone or anything outside your own self to drive your happiness. It is up to no one but yours. When you own your happiness, no one can steal it, no one can buy it, and you don’t have to look elsewhere to find it.

ugh!

Last Friday left my head spinning and thumping uncontrollably.

Imagine...finding out through Friendster (of all places!) that most of your highschool batchmates are hooking up together!

Not that this is unusual and it's not as if it's the first time in history that this ever happens. It's just that one can find it amazing how a little piece of unwanted news can cause a multitude of rumbling.

Yep, unwanted. I have completey detached myself and my world with the sticky hands that was highschool. Not that I had any bad memories...well, yeah I have and everyone does but life moves on, especially beyond the confines of these walls.

The feeling is just utterly weird and so-not-needed. The most unlikely of people are getting together and pairing up, and I mean the MOST unlikely.

Imagine, a former geeky guy is now part of a coupling with this girl whom people considered as part of the so-called popular, we-create-our-noise kind of group back then. Her group consists of 3 other girls who flashes around in the classroom with their supposedly fashionable haircuts and outifts (to which they're actually not, they just think they are); comes in every morning chasing each other around by trying to take each other's carton of milk; and who standard of a boyfriend is if they own a car.

How mature. But then again, IT IS highschool.

Yep, KSP in short.

Then, they have these gazilion pictures of them as a couple (the usual hugging and holidng hands stuff) and some are with their KSP group and some batchmates whom I honestly think no longer exist (hehe).

The power of tehcnology is really different, I thought. Just when you think you're spending some down time looking around this online space, you end up getting one of the biggest (and ugliest) shock of your life that you don't really need or want.

Then of course, there's your batchmate who never fails to remind everyone that she's supposedly rich and beautiful (when again she's not, people attested) who is perpetually underdressed in all of the pictures she posted of herself on ther account. Geez woman, put a smelly sock in it! No one wants to see your body and that's a fact, so get over it.

I so not needed this added aggravation to my already stressful life.

a posting

Every day when you wake up.
Look in the mirror and thank God for every second you have and cherish all moments.
The fighting, the anger, the drama is tedious.

Just take each moment day by day and consider yourself lucky to breathe and feel at all and smile. Be thankful.

Life comes once, doesn't 'keep coming back' and we all take such advantage of what we have.
When we shouldn't.....

Make a searching with a fearless moral inventory of yourselves.

-Lindsay Lohan

(This posting has been the talk amongst celeb bloggers, which found her statement disturbing)

fear of fears

What's your worst fear?

Losing a loved oned?
Dying young?
Living an unfulfilled life?
Having your heart broken?

Then there's the usual suspects of fearing the unknown among others.

Me? I'm usually afraid of every single thing. But what I fear most of the time is the idea of being left behind, alone.

It's just a weird thing to be scared of, personally speaking.

And it's not the idea of being independent (that's something I actually want). It's something deeper than that, rooted way inside of me and who I am.

Whenever people leave me behind, like on a trip very far away, it feels as if the world have come crashing down on me. I feel so...empty. It's as if the mere thought of not being able to see them or be with them puts my life on a halt. Someone had hit the pause button.

I even wonder sometimes that it probably has something to do with my dad leaving for the states when I was young. That was my very first heartache. Seeing him leave the house, all packed up, sad and all. It was the most heart wrenching event I have ever felt in my life.

Fast forward to 10 years now and it still feels the same, every single time. I kinda put myself in an enclosed case to which I draw strength from everytime he leaves. I surrounded myself with enough happiness to make me feel that yes, he will come back soon.

I was ok already.

But being in a different situation now, being in a relationship where similar things aslo happen, is way different but coincidentally feels the same too.

Every goodbye, even for just a little while, felt like a million years of being away with each other. A test? Maybe. But I was never strong enough for this. I think I am, but this is different.

Distance clearly is not an enemy I can face.

the celebration

People tend to give special occassions a big deal. Whether it be birthdays or special holidays.

In our case, we are celebrating our 3rd year annniversay! (woohoooo, 3 years baby!)

But (yep, there's a but), we never were the type to give the occassion so much hype. We're very low-key people and our idea of having fun is relaxing somewhere quiet, like the beach or at home.

Because of a certain office activity, I'm overly fatigued (and this is putting it mildly).

Nevertheless, my sweet boyfriend patiently waited for me so we can have a romantic dinner and somehow do a bit of celebrating.

We had dinner at Carpaccio, this quaint, homey Italian restaurant where they serve delectable prime angus beef and sea bass (which is what he ordered for us).

We had some sort of gift giving that time, to which he gave me the sneakers I've been meaning to buy and I gave him the Ben Simon office shoes he's been meaning to buy. In short, we ended up giving shoes to each other, which is always a funny coincidence coz it happened several times before. Us giving the same type of gift to each, that is.

I'm just happy that things are mellower now. Him and I just being at the moment with each other, enjoying being together to the fullest and taking one day at a time.

3 years and counting

Wow. It's been a while since I posted something here. It just got so darn busy around here that needless to say, I have no me-time left much less post an entry.

We celebrated our 3rd year of togetherness and it felt great. It felt right. Everything just seems to fall into place now amidst the turbulent (?) year we've both been through.

So many changes have happened....

- I resigned and left the company I've been with for more than 2 years (not to mention the company we're both working and where we met)
- The "distance" made the adjustments so difficult. Trust is the only thing that made it all meaningful.
- He seemed to be on the road to (yet) another promotion, and so did I

3 years....wow. Even I can't believe we made it that long already.

I now realize that as time goes by in a relationship, things get easier at some point or another. There's no more apprehensions because you've known each for so long. No more pa-tweetums. Everything becomes natural, as if you fit each other to a "T".

There's no more tip-toeing around because he knows you inside and out. He can already read your every emotion, whenever you're feeling happy or not.

It just makes clearer sense now.

It's now that I understand that things are just meant to be, just like us.

meme kung meme

Where were you 1 hour ago? - already sitting at my desk, answering emails (loser..)
Who will be your next kiss? - my boyfriend, as always :)
Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? - 2 pillows
When is the last time you went to the mall? - last night
Are you wearing socks right now? - nope. too weird for my outfit.
When was the last time you went to the province? - over the weekend, Tagaytay
Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? - yep, watched with friends
What was the last thing you had to drink? - toffee nut latte
What are you wearing right now? - navy blouse, denim cutoffs and white flats
What was your last purchase? - toffee nut latte and tea
Last food you ate? - toffee nut latte
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? - my boyfriend, last night
Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? - 2 sweaters
Do you have a pet? - im allergic
What's the last sporting event you watched? - my boyfriend's championship basketball game (which they won, yey!)
What is your favorite class? - advertising; business law
If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be? - soaking up the sun at a beach
What is the last thing you purchased online? - ralph lauren stuff
How old are your parents? - 50-ish
What's your favorite soup? - is chowder a soup? ;)
Do you miss anyone? - always
Last play you saw? - "Doon Po Sa Amin" - a college play
What are your plans for the night? - videoke at Egg with boyfriend and friends
Who is the last person you messaged on myspace? - none
Ever gone to camp? - just this past weekend, Tagaytay
Were you an honor roll student in school? - yep. Dean's Lister all throughout college and candidate for cum laude, senior year
What do you know about the future? - that i've been obssessed about it since i was a little kid
Are you wearing cologne? - yep
What should you be doing now? - a looooot of things....
What perfume or cologne do you use? - Dream by Gap
Do you have a tan line? - not at the moment, but hopefully soon
How old do you want to be when you have kids? - before 30
Do you collect anything? - bags
Do you have any tattoos or piercings? - 1 on each ear
Have you ever drank your soda from a straw? - i actually did
How do you like your soda? - frozen
Do you like hot sauce? - not really
Who do you like? - mami, dadi, bro and my boyfriend
What is your mood? - sick and hungrya and sleepy
Are you someone's best friend? - i was told i am, lucky me :)
What's the last TV show you watched? - simple life 4

back from nature

It's finally November! Never thought it will come. Next week is our 3rd year anniversary. Don't really know what's gonna happen. Don't really want to think about it that much too.

Anyways, here I am, typing away on this blog. I'm almost freezing to death coz that freak of a Rich Kid hollers in here at the office, clicking open every possible light and turning up the aircon notch as if she just entered her bedroom. Oh well, just a few more days of being with her at the same room.

Back to my life, I'm nursing severe colds and cough which I inherited from my week of trying to get acquianted with nature. Yep, the camping trip pushed through.

I was actually prepared for it (quite!). Brought tons of meds and true enough, I did have a use of them afterall. Arrived at Tagaytay around 9 in the evening, famished to death, feeling way miserable than ever because of my sickly condition.

The worst part is having to wait for the food to get cooked. The guys, while toiling away happily with the grill, didn't mind the fact that it's almost midnight and not one of us have eaten dinner yet.

After the very much delayed feast of steaks and mashed potato, the tents were then pitched. Girls went about cleaning up and changing into their night clothes. After a few minutes, tequila bottles were being popped open and beer cans started rounding the tables.

It was an all-night chat fest. We mingled around in the camp pavilion, drinking and asking hypothetical questions on love, life and relationships. Imagine, topics like these being discussed in the wee hours of the morning. Since I was not feeling very well, I had to hit the sack at around 3 in the morning, whereas my ever accommodating boyfriend almost didn't sleep just to continue the chitchat with the rest.

Early morning found us all sweating inside the tents. Scratch sweating, more like roasting. It was so darn hot inside it! Tagaytay seems to be losing its claim to fame on being a chilly place. Couples started rounding up the rest of the group for a breakfast of pancakes, sausages and milk. American dining it is.

Things I learned:

- Never go on a camping trip with a runny nose
- It's such a misery forcing yourself to take an extremely cold shower, especially if you're not used to it
- It's hard to breath in very cold weather
- Running out of tissue is a major hassle
- Attempting to dress up inside a shower room is more than frustrating

When's the next camping trip kaya?

learning to breathe

by Switchfoot

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way
This is the way that I'm

Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
in these abundant skies
yeah
abundant skies
yeah

This is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I say I love You
This is the way that I say I'm Yours
This is the way, this is the way that

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
these abundant skies
yeah, yeah, yeah
dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you do?

message in a bottle

Thursday, November 30, 2006

faith in prayers

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

i own me

Sunday, November 26, 2006

ugh!

Thursday, November 23, 2006

a posting

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

fear of fears

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

the celebration

3 years and counting

Friday, November 10, 2006

meme kung meme

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

back from nature

Thursday, November 02, 2006

learning to breathe

multiply

gossipy me

social butterfly

total escape

shopaholic me

the crew

hunky doodles

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