message in a bottle: August 2006

celebrate good times, c'mon!

Had a celebratory dinner last night with my loving boyfriend.

Unfortunately, my knight in shining armor didn't pick me up in his gallant horse.

This lil princess had to walk from her castle to the village shops, ala damsel in distress.

Anyhoooo, back to being jolly....

The effing Php90 million I was crudely scrutinizing (not to mention cursing) finally signed up with their company for another year. A renewed big account.

That means that the big dogs, head honchos of the company he works in are now swimming in big commissioned bucks. And they did not even have to lift one teeny tiny finger in all this. Who has been slaving away for them? My poor, stressed-out, lacking in much well-deserved sleep, boyfriend.

But, that doesn't mean he's not happy. Of course I want him to bask in his glory. I want him to know that all his hard work finally paid off. And if it wasn't for him, they'd be nothing.

So last night, there was no planned celebration, since we didn't know what will happen yesterday when we planned for it. I can see that he really was happy. Relieved.

We had dinner at Sbarro. I know, it's not actually celebratory dinner material. But nothing beats great company when you're out celebrating.

Now, the real hard work comes in, which quiet frankly I am way concerned and worried for him. You see, this Php90 million account is vast expanding. From being a solid IT and consulting firm, they have now branched out further into the call center industry, which then relates to graveyard shifts.

My poor boyfriend now has to endure 2 weeks of graveyard orientations, not mention being with that squirrel of a girl who's trying to get her filthy hands on my guy.

If you (squirrel girl), by any chance or miracle, is reading this, get a life!

So anyhooo, back to being jolly again.....

I'm so so proud of him. Apart from the graveyard schedules and that squirrel girl, reaching his sales quota is more than what I can wish for him.

Inuman na!!!

golden rule

(Thanks Anna Banana for this! If it wasn't for your blog, I wouldn't have caught this)

Love your girlfriend as if she were forever 16 years old.
It will be easier to understand her since she's in that stage where she's not a girl anymore but not a full grown woman either.
She'll make some mature decisions, but at the same time
she'll make some decisions that are childish and adorable at the same time

On the other hand...

Love your boyfriend as if he were forever 7 years old.
Let him play with his toys
Let him be with boys
Feed him, nurture him
And he'll always surely come back to his mommy.

wave dreamer

La Union, take me away...

emotional gratitude

Thank you for letting me feel pain, so I can truly value happiness.

Thank you for letting me stumble, so I can learn how to walk with might.

Thank you for letting me fall, so I can learn how to pick up the pieces.

Thank you for letting me cry, so I can feel how great it is to smile.

Thank you for dancing with me, you made me feel carefree again.

Thank you for walking with me, you made me feel I'm not alone after all.

Thank you for taking my hand, you made me feel I won't stumble again.

Thank you for carrying me, now I won't have to fall again.

missing

I miss my friends. I miss the company of my close friends at my old company (got it?).

I miss them.

I miss the everyday lunches we have together, cramming ourselves in this tiny diner at the other side of the office street.

I miss crossing the street to dine on fast mexican food, sizzling pinoy dishes and gigantic frothy iced teas.

I miss having lunch with my boyfriend.

I miss seeing him everyday.

I miss him telling me everything I am going through right now will be okay.

I miss seeing him look out for me. Against all the office nasties then and....

I miss the afternoon walks after office, having coffee at Dome, hanging out at the nearby convenience store while we wait for a ride to the local mall.

I miss the uniform. I miss looking the same like the rest of the people.

I miss the well-lit comfort rooms.

I miss corporate dressing. I miss office meetings with snackies.

I miss riding a well-functional elevator.

I miss the summer outings, team building seminars, sales conferences, out of town trips.

I just miss those things that made my life a lot more interesting. A lot more meaningful. And a lot more fun.

the shadow

Dubbed as the shadow, a girl has relentlessly took on a task to be the mime behind all the work being done.

All those suffering and pain, this shadow of a person has taken all in stride, in the low hopes of getting a inch bit of recognition.

But no, this culture does not allow this girl to shine in her well-deserved glory. She has been given an unwanted titular humiliation of basking behind someone else's undeserving cracked hipocracy.

Not even the main knows her name. She is merely a statistic in the group of hungry dogs and crabs, slewing away one's potential in this unfair world.

Her existence unknown and well below the radar, this shadow takes all criticisms, unncecesary loads with all grace known to the world, making each grotesque mundanity the best she can be.

And yet, no one knows her. Her name seems unimportant in this world of plastic figures, fake smiles, shrewd animosity, mind games, warm fallasies and never ending unhappiness.

Why can't these people leave her alone? Why do they need to brush up everytime of the fact that she is a shadow, even announcing this state for the world to hear and know?

Shadowing??? What kind of an endorsement is that to be known upon??? A great, big shadow.

Merely a shadow, beware for she will forever lurk this haunted of a place, waiting for the opportune time to pounce and take her well-earned revenge.

dreams make things okay

let me sleep
for when i sleep i dream that you are here
you're mine
and all my fears are left behind
i float on air
a nightingale sings gentle lullabies
so let me close my eyes

and sleep, a chance to dream
so i can see the face i long to touch
to kiss
but only dreams can bring me this

so let the moon shine softly on the boy i long to see
for maybe when he dreams
he'll dream of me

i'll hide beneath the clouds
and whisper to the evening star
they tell love is just a dream away
dream away
ill dream away

so let the moon shine softly on the boy i long to see
and maybe when he dreams
he'll dream of me

dream of me...

for you i bleed myself dry

- pure genius -

gatorade for the heart

It has been one hell a of week.

I've poured my heart out unwittingly due to the stress-filled days I had to endure unnecessarily.

I am but filled with utter disappointments, I intend to mend and bend.

Don't get me wrong, I am more than contented with where I am and whom I with. I just wish that sometimes, life would cut me some slack and throw me a few happy moments. I'm not asking for a lot. Just a few that would get me going and make all these worthwhile.

Good thing my heart runs on its gatorade. If not, it will be probably be dead by now.

losing faith in promises

tick tock, tick tock.....sounds of a bomb about to explode....sounds of a clock hand passing away minutes of the world....

and the sound of my mind going crazy little by little....

have you ever met someone who gets annoyed when people give them a time and yet they never, ever fulfill or meet it?

I am the annoyed person and yes, I know some people who are like that.

Tell me, why would you give someone a certain time and not even BOTHER to make sure that person knows if you can make it or not?

Have you been given promises? Of course you have, everyone does it and everyone gets it.

I have been promised a gazilion things in life. But I am experiencing the most painful ones now. In this lifetime.

I was promised times. Different times. Meeting time. Date time. Movie time. Dinner time. Vacation Time. EVERYTHING!!!!

And I always end up hurt and disappointed.

the never ending wait

Music on loop: Yellow by ColdPlay

Wait, for a while, saglit lang, sandali, for a minute, for a moment.....so many words to depict one small, incessant word that can make volcanoes erupt....WAIT!

I am drowning in the unblissfulness of not accepting the pre-mentioned blissful facts of my life.

I am wallowing in the thoughts of once again, I am gonna wait alone. In a mall, no particular direction to go. No direction at all.

I am sinking deep into thoughts of how and why I do wait.

I am creeping into the darkness of facing the brutality of the circumstances around me.

Need a vacation. Asap.

contently balmy

The week is finally over...thank God!

It felt that even though I only had to go to work for 4 days (I had a Monday day-off), it's still as if the week has been dragging along.

So now, it's Friday. A supposedly TGIF-y feeling should swallow me now. And yet, it feels as if I am starting a new week. It is only me or am I just restraining myself from feeling giddy, looking forward to a wonderful 3-day weekend.

Things I should be happy about and be basking in all its glow:

1. Got my laptop yesterday. Not that it's worth a celebrating or whatever. Please, I'm not that pathetic. But a new thing is still a good thing right? And this is one of the new things I have in my life now. I have graduated from operating a desktop and is now a full-pledged workaholic fighting machine.

2. Company gave the mid-year bonus, in completion of the regular interim evaluation for all employees. This of course is fully based on one's performance. Bonus means extra cash. Probably before, it would mean shopping money for me. But over the years, I realized my future is worth more than material things. I know, I know, readers are not going to believe. But what they should know I save more than I spend. My savings and investments would be a testament to that.

3. I will officially be a manager by Sept. 1. 'Nuff said.

Yeah, I know, I know, things are quite looking up. I don't want to get way ahead of myself, running past my life in lightning speed. I don't want to stumble and be left with aching scars later on.

I firmly believe in taking things one day at a time.

I follow this in the way I deal with life. I am in no hurry to grow up just to live life. I don't want to miss out just because life seems to be running in a fast pace all the time.

I follow this in the way I deal with relationships. Treasure each day as it comes. Don't stress over the future. There will be no future if you do not take care of the present. Today is what counts. Making each day a wonderful day creates no regrets. No shoulda, woulda, coulda.

The ever cautious me doesn't allow me to propel high up in the sky to be blissfully happy.

break dance has never been this good

we are everything entertaining

A few of my old officemates and some friends have decided to set up a business and be full-pledged events coordinators!

Welcome, Eventscapade!

We are Everything Entertaining!

Visit our official blog site at http://eventscapade.blogspot.com

We do all official functions - from weddings, parties, business and even school events!

Eventscapade offers a wide range of packages for all your events and entertainment needs.

i bleed green

Jealousy. Is it a part of the seven deadly sins? I think that's envy. But isn't it quite the same?

Ako, super selosa. But not the nagging, loud kind. When I do get jealous, I get really distant, timid, moody and quiet.

It's actually hard when you're the jealous type. Since it's a natural part of who you are, it's not as if you can just easily shut off your feelings when it kicks in.

Ako pa, eh I'm so transparent. So even if I'm not the loud type, it easily shows when I'm getting jealous. Or to say the least, what I'm feeling at that moment.

Add this to the fact that it seems to haunt me all the time.

I think my boyfriend is good-looking, but when girls are literally throwing themselves at him, I get really pissed off. Hey, who doesn't right?

There is a fine line and a huge boundary between being proud of a person and being simply irritated when everything gets lost in oblivion.

Those nasty girls should get a life, really.

Need to stop. I'm turning as green as kermit.

sweeping myself off my feet

I have been feeling superbly depressed lately. Let's face it, I'm not the jolliest person you will ever know in your life, but then again, I'm not sullen-looking either.

But these past weeks have been very trying and difficult. Breaking free is the only resort I am hoping for from all of these madness and chaos around.

When you learn that a person close to your heart does nothing to appreciate your best efforts, wouldn't you feel the same?

Wouldn't you try to understand where of all these sadness is coming from? From what, who and why?

When you find yourself staring out the window, in a lonely corner of your room, wishing, dreaming and praying to be touched by an angel, not even the strongest of pills can put you outta whack of it.

Happiness is indeed so elusive. I've been running after it my whole life and it seems like it's having a hard time finding me as well.

still obssessed

quoting quotes

passages...

"it's like I always have to prove that I deserve to be with him" - a personal favorite; oh so true

"the more I endure the thought of finally seeing him, the more time keeps standing still"

"if all else fails, would you be there to love me?
if all else fails, would you be brave to see it right through me" - a kitchie nadal song (i know, eew, but then again, it's in the last stanza, so no need to hear the entire song)

"my heart can't possibly break, coz it wasn't even whole to start with" - a kelly clarkson song (i know, double eeew)

"if I were loved, as I desire to be, what is there in the great sphere of the earth?
And ranged evil between death and birth, what of that should I fear, if I were loved thee?"

"you just say those magic words and I feel the sun shining down on me again"

magic words and broken glass

We often say words that we don't mean. Sometimes it can be the greatest accident and sometimes it can be the worst misinterpretation.

What would you feel when somebody does not believe the words that you say?

What would it feel if that person is the one you love? The one who's supposed to believe you?

Sadly, I don't know the answer to these questions either.

Like shards of broken glass, one unconscious slip of the tongue gives you a lifetime of suffering and pain. One unwanted mistake. One confused mind. One longing and broken heart.

How can anyone mend it? How can I mend it? Can it ever heal? Can that person ever value me? Still, no answers.

People say that the 3 magic words can make things better. Can make the world better. For love is eternal. One can always make more of love when it is needed.

And yet, it seems like I will never get the chance to feel that eternal love. Or be on the receiving end when more of it has been made.

We live by each day, by each moment. Yet, some take it for granted.

People should never take a day for granted. Never hesitate to tell that one person how she means the world to you. Never ever take one single day for granted. It can be lost before you know it.

I don't believe in magic words, because to me, it never heals anything.

I'd rather believe in broken glass, because I am living proof of it.

bag-a-holic strikes again!

Hay, sunugan na to ng pera.

I did it again. I've accumulated 5 new bags in a span of 2 weeks. Yep, 5 in 2 weeks.

Not that all I bought were expensive. Of course not! Di ako kasing yaman ni Imelda noh!

Anyways, I am proud to say that majority of this purchases came from my hard earned money and from my being a good girl these past months. Good girl meaning the thrifty, kuripot me. Not the green-eyed monster alter ego of Becky Bloomwood (if you're a shopaholic and a Sophie Kinsella enthusiast, you will know who I'm referring to). And what better way to reward my good little self? Bag shopping of course!

You see, I don't really buy bags on a regular basis. People just think that I do maybe because I shop for bags majority of the time than anything else.

So let's see, what have I bought?

1. White Birken-style bag at We in Power Plant
2. Forest Green croc skin bag with rope handles at Ilaya in Power Plant (thanks to mommy dearest)
3. Shiny black croc skin bag at Red Lane tiangge
4. Light Brown soft leather doctor's shoulder bag at Simple Pleasures in Greenbelt 3
5. Brown corduroy hobo bag at Candies in Greenbelt 3 (a great impulse buy with Leigh since the bag is 50% off, hwek hwek)

These are the fruits of my hard-earned saving scheme, enduring week long lunches of instant noodles and canned vienna sausages, which I alternate with anything I find at the pantry at home :)

Like Leigh said, I can't wait to use them!

when a friendship line is broken

what to do when a friend goes a stray?

think happy thoughts:

that friend probably does not value your friendship afterall
that friend arrogantly spites what you have
that friend does not know the meaning of trust
that friend loses a life time of worthy advice
that friend thinks highly of himself/herself than the rest of the world
that friend disses you in front of other people
that friend does not respect your dilemmas
that friend does not value humility
that friend would much rather choose false popularity over the truth
that friend will drop you like a hot potato when a shiny new one arrives

Who would want a friend like that?

a wart that can never be cauterized

Worry-wart that is.

Growing up, I never thought of myself as a weakling. Although I am not the most assertive of people either. But then again, there is always this feeling of fearing the unknown.

Most of my life, I have never been the dare devil type. Never did I succumb to dumb peer pressure, nor do I start it myself. I was never the type to nose dive into something I am not fully comfortable and trust 10000%.

I thought maybe I'm just the old fashioned sigurista, never fearless enough to try new and dangerous things. Whether it be physical, emotional or psychological. I guess I always wanted everything safe and predictable.

A ripple in the calm waters of life sometimes makes me feel jittery, restless and annoyingly crazy.

Yes, I am a worry-wart.

I worry about everything. From the biggest of things to the littlest of realities. I have the fear of the unknown, of the unpredictable, and of the extra ordinary.

Yet, I am fascinated with the magical, the interesting and the exciting.

message in a bottle

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

celebrate good times, c'mon!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

golden rule

wave dreamer

emotional gratitude

Monday, August 28, 2006

missing

the shadow

Friday, August 25, 2006

dreams make things okay

for you i bleed myself dry

gatorade for the heart

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

losing faith in promises

Friday, August 18, 2006

the never ending wait

contently balmy

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

break dance has never been this good

Thursday, August 10, 2006

we are everything entertaining

i bleed green

sweeping myself off my feet

still obssessed

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

quoting quotes

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

magic words and broken glass

Friday, August 04, 2006

bag-a-holic strikes again!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

when a friendship line is broken

a wart that can never be cauterized

multiply

gossipy me

social butterfly

total escape

shopaholic me

the crew

hunky doodles

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