camping 101
The skies are now clear. The rain has passed. The storm has left. What to do next?
Why, go camping of course!
I am going camping this weekend. Yep, me. Out in the forest-like terrain of the south. Sleeping with the earth at my back. Eating out of make-shift plates and utensils. Walking barefoot on grass. All that pizzaz!
One of our friends is going to celebrate his birthday by treating us to a camping trip. All food expense paid, of course. It's actually not my first time to be at that camping site. We've actually done it for about 2 years ago.
So, everyone seemed psyched about it. My boyfriend, as his gift to the birthday boy, is bringing a truckload of booze. Tents and booze??? What better combination, right?
We're gonna feast American style - steak, ribs, mashed potato and cream eggs (talk about carbo loading).
I actually hesitated to come at first, given that majority of the "office girls" who were invited aren't really close friends of mine. But, my ever sweet boyfriend told me that it would make him extremely sad if I decided not to join and that I'm actually deciding for both of us (there's hope for him afterall, eh? Hahaha, kidding!). So of course, I am now going and making myself excited about the whole idea.
Well, all I have to do now is make my list of stuff to bring, hoping against hope that I won't forget anything.
Happy birthday man!
splash of cold water
This blog has seen all my rants, raves, hurt and disappointment on a lot of things - relationships and life in general.
But I just realized some things:
- even if there is pain, it is but love that melts it away
- even if ranting and screaming inside helps, nothing can compare to the great feelings a relationship can bring
- even if happiness is sometimes elusive, it is embedded deep inside of me. A calm yet unspoken kind of happiness that only the heart understands
- even if disappointments are abound, it is the relationship and understanding between us that make it all worthwhile
- even if the eyes brim with tears, it is but him that makes it stop
- even if there is longingness for the ideal relationship, there is already the acceptance who one person is, who we are and what we have. And that's not something you can just forget and disregard
- even if sometimes ending it seems like the only solution, you then stop and feel that it is but love that binds you together
You just love him. It's that simple. Even if sometimes you wish he becomes your ideal man, it is but him and only him that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
A friend told me before, during one of those awful moments of being sour about the world, that amidst all the hurt and anger one is feeling, the single sight of a loved one turns everything inside out....and everything is okay again.
I must admit she is right and I completely agree.
halloween party
Saturday night found me wrapped up in a sweater, hoodie over my head, ipod perched on my ears, while the rest of my friends were screaming (and laughing) while watching Sukob.
The couples group, with our latest addition, holed up at Pogsy's house for a laid back, halloween celebration.
The evening started out by filling our stomachs with lechon manok and Lotsa Pizza pizza. Downing each bite with red wine, we made ourselves ready for a fright night scream fest.
Since it is still early to put on the DVD, we enjoyed ourselves first with belting our hearts out over the videoke. With Pogsy's super wide-screen television with surround sound, all were singing to every beat and showing their (should have stayed) hidden talent.
I dread having to watch a horror flick. Yes, even if it was watching Kris Aquino try to act. I'm as paranoid as ever when it comes to horror movies. It's as if my mind keeps replaying every scene, reminding me of every horrid sequence. *chills*
So around 10 pm, the movie started. With me stressing about the whole ordeal, my boyfriend kept reassuring me that the movie is not true (I know, talo ko pa ang paslit). The beginning wasn't half bad, with all the teasing the boyfriends are doing on Kris' acting skills (or lack thereof). But knowing how Pinoys make horror movies, I decided not to watch it.
Instead, I put on my ipod, turned the volume a notch higher than the television and covered my face with the hoodie of my sweater. My boyfriend, who was seated at my feet, kept teasing and pulling the hoodie off my face when the scary scenes are showing.
I actually felt sleepy, since I had the hoodie in my face almost the entire movie. The paranoid in me even had me imagining what the scenes might have been and making me think of weird thoughts. Imagine what I would be like if I DID watch it.
early bird
As per my usual routine, I arrived early in Makati today.
I was actually more than happy to be early for work. It's less stressful than having to walk briskly to get to the office on time. It was a fairly nice, balmy morning when I arrived.
Dropped off at the front of the nearby mall, I enjoyed a leisure walk. The streets are empty. The surrounding is quiet. Leaves actually fall off the trees because of the slight wind that passes. Seems like a scene out of a stationery.
Grabbed my usual venti tea at the coffee shop. Such a pleasurable walk.
moja power!
Thanks Moja for this! I just could not resist posting this here...new mantra!
---
You've spent years resigned to the fate of a life that, if not unhappy, would be at least unsatisfying.
And then something comes along, and suddenly the possibility of a happy life is there but you've grown so cynical and distrustful that all you can do is look for reasons why that certain something is all wrong.
And it's because you know that if you take a chance and you aren't happy, it will be more painful than a life of unsatisfaction you can even begin to imagine.
---
once in a lifetime
Been thinkin bout ya baby
And I dont know what to do
All I think about is you
Seems everything around me
Things I've never understood
They all make sense when I'm with you.
Refrain:
Oh, I've heard it all before
Finding so called love then you leave it behind
But now I feel so sure
I'll listen to my heart this time
(So I'll put it on the line/ put my heart before my mind//
Chorus:
I know that what I've found is once in a lifetime
(and) I know there's no way out
Coz its once in a lifetime
I've always been so lonely
No one there for me to hold
And every night was just so cold
Oh don't get me wrong i've been around
But i've resigned myself to thinking
Mine is just another story often told
Repeat refrain then Chorus:
Coda:
It's not like im runnin' outta time
I'm takin' everything in stride
It's just i never thought i'd find
what would make me change my mind
Repeat chorus:
over coffee and waffles
Had a fairly boring yet full weekend.
Since I had to render weekend shift, I was hurrying everything I had to do so I can meet up with my other "commitments".
Saturday night, I found myself talking passionately about the pressure of getting married with a guy friend of mine. The couples group met up at a Starbucks in Sucat and a casual night cap turned into a very interesting dialogue amongst couples.
I was asked one of the most basking questions I try to avoid...marriage.
Why so?
Well, unlike the many fortunate girlfriends out there, I wasn't given that great sense of security of openly discussing it my with boyfriend. Why so? 'coz my boyfriend does not have an inch of that thought in his mind and avoids the topic like a plague. I think every guy does.
So when asked, I just simply said that I've become far too jaded and detached to the idea. He asked me of what I thought about the pressure it has on guys.
And my explanation was: mine is a story often told....
For women, especially those who are in a long-term relationship, of course it would be a given for us to think about the future with our current partner. It's something that you cannot just dismiss. It also becomes bothersome when your partner doesn't seem to care that YOU care about it. There is always that thought in your head of wanting to know where the relationship is going. A nagging thought you just want to go away.
So I somehow shed light to the mounting pressure my guy friend is bewildered with. The fact that his girlfriend and my boyfriend are right beside us makes the whole conversation funny, refreshing and dreadful all at the same time.
so right
Love is...
the greatest of all dreams...and
the worst of all nightmares
---
...a form of amnesia,
during which a woman forgets that there are 1,222,978,173 other men in the world
chapters of a book
It all happened so fast. One minute you're wishing for something great to happen and before you know it, it's actually happening.
I don't want to be a jealous bastard anymore. But sometimes, some people and some moments get the best of you and you can't help it.
---
A highschool pal of ours reportedly got engaged. Well, she's the type to exaggerate but then again, a good news should never cause harm right?
Not that we envy her or something. We're just so used to her being like that, openly dissing on other people so she can be a level up. The circle has accepted her for who she is, bad things and all. Besides, there's always one in a bunch.
---
My boyfriend and his department team will be fighting it out today in a finals basketball match against another department team in their office. Everyone is psyched and it's going to be one crazy night. A close friend even texted all resignees to join in on the fun and give their all out support.
Funny thing is that this one girl resignee has this ginormous "thing" for my boyfriend. My guy and I were even talking last night and he even said that what if, just for fun, I try to talk to this girl and see what her reaction would be. Mind you, this girl has the arms of a wrestler. I don't think I want to take my chances. I already won didn't I? *wink*wink*
---
My weekend will be, of course, still hectic. Will render the weekend shift but I'm hoping against all hope that I get to regain my all-used up energy.
---
Still pinning over the David and Goliath shirt Moja and I saw at Rustans. Must buy!
how to deal
Sometimes a man has to choose
And do something he doesn't wanna do
Do I live my life with you as my wife
Or do I go on and pursue my lifetime dream
I gotta do this for me
Cuz if I don't I'll probably regret it
But if I do I'll probably regret it
How do I cope
[Chorus:]
How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it
How do I deal with
The fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn away for your career
I gotta take it though it's heartbreakin'
It's something that I had to do
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad
So how do I live...how do I deal without you
It's killing me to know
That your heart's with me
But you're with him cause I chose
To be in this industry
Money, shows, and hoes come along with luxury and pain
Is all you see when you think about it
But this is the life that I was given
So I have to live it to the fullest
But how do I deal in the meantime without you
[Chorus]
How do you deal when you can't be with
the one you love but the one you love is
with somebody else
What do you do when you know she don't love him
but she love me but she cant stand lovin' you faraway
you just deal with it,deal with it
(I dont wanna have to live with it)
you just deal with it,deal with it
(no,no,no)
you just deal with it,deal with it
(I dont want nobody else alovin' you)
you just deal with it,deal with it
(I dont nobody else alovin' me)
[Chorus]
How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it.......
reality bites
True friends are like diamonds
True and rare
False friends are like leaves
You can find them everywhere
spinning a web
Let's face it. Relationships are hard. Life IN general is hard. But then, it gets cool when you have nice people around to pick you up when the earth shatters underneath your feet.
You have family and friends to thank the good Lord for.
And this I have to say, I'd be lost without them...
my christmas wish
What would make my year right would be to get the best christmas gift ever...
a time machine!
damita jo
song on loop...
"don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got 'till its gone....
reasons to be happy
---my mind is totally blank---
reincarnation
If I were to be reborn or remade, given a new life and have the option to take away things within myself, I'd take out:
- being sweet
- being emotionally available all the time
- being a masochist martyr (redundant I know, but that's me)
- being overly caring and giving
- being overly loyal
- being cautious and careful (another redundancy, but yep, that's me)
- being affectionate and touchy
- being jealous (in which I have reasons to be anyway)
- being predictable and safe
- being simple and comfortable
In short, I'd probably erase all of who I am and change it entirely.
Besides, I was never accepted as me in the first place.
the biatch that is fugliona
Hahahahahahaha....a funny, FUNNY, thing happened last night.
Okay, so I'm more than furious and overflowing with rage last night, but now that I have come to realize it, the fuck with them, hihihi.
I really don't have the energy nor the stomach strength to go into all the sordid details.
I'm gonna say it here and I'm probably gonna say it for the last effing time: she has no effing right to be in my life.
(I should stop cursing right now...on second thought, nah...)
That biatch can do whatever the hell she wants with her sorry-ass life, can choke to smithers for all I care. Just leave me out of it.
death becomes her
I'm a walking zombie...
411
If you have been reading my blog for quite some time now, I wrote about something on two friends who are on the road to (gulp) finding true love.
Well, I think the verdict is in. We all think that sila na nga.
Of course, neither of them admits it yet. Well, at least that's what I know. I've been out of the loop most of the times since I'm no longer within the company circle.
Last night, my boyfriend and some of our guy friends decided to get the 411 once and for all. They took the guy to one of the best eateries in the south, Sinangag Express, non-chalantly talking about guy stuff at first but then later on hooking it up on the dirty details.
When I called my boyfriend up, they were still there and I kept overhearing Pogsy talking ever so passionately about love and relationships. Very cute!
The suspense is killing us girls. I have yet to talk to my boyfriend about it but I have a hunch he won't say much (hello, he never does naman noh, whatever the topic may be!), but given the two lovebirds' actions towards each other for the past weeks, it's a no-brainier.
Cupid does his magic again!
flipping out
I am mad about havaianas (even if spelling it correctly may get a bit tricky sometimes).
I am in search for a green-er pasture, meaning its ultimate plain grass green variation. I've been coming back to All Flip Flops since last week, hoping against all hope that they already have it. But of course, in true havaianas fashion, they always ran out of sizes immediately.
They actually have a lot of new items like:
- dark pink apple design
- bright pink and torquoise combo
- orange flowers pattern
- metallic gold
But there are two on the search list. Aside from the grass green flip flops, I'm also on the hunt for the black plain/flowered wedge. All my flip flops are the usual flat ones so I'm thinking of vamping my collection up with a wedge type.
Now all I gotta do is continue looking for it...
banana hammock and crap bag
I was never really a fan of the comedy sitcom Friends. I used to watch the shows when I accidentally come across it while channel surfing and had nothing better to watch.
But I got bitten by the bug because my boyfriend is very fond of the show. So lo and behold, it rubbed off of me.
Cutely said, my boyfriend even has complete seasons stacked safely in his room and even most of the times mimick the infamous Joey grin and say "How you doin'?".
One time, while spending a lazy late afternoon at home, I ran into some re-runs of the show where it featured Phoebe changing her name upon securing a marriage license. Mojacko and I were talking about it at work since the episode was indeed particularly funny.
Phoebe became Princess Consuela Banana Hammock and to add further humor to the mix, her husband to be, Mike, decided to change his name as well to Crap Bag.
The couple reminded me of a succeeding episode where they finally got married, in the streets of New York no less, with the snow lightly coming down. It was actually kinda romantic. And I just remembered a very sweet line Crap Bag said:
CB: I love you...
BH: I love you more
CB: Not possible
Hand it over to television to create lines no one will say in real life....
here, doggy!
This week has been tumultuous, to say the least. And yet somehow, I still manage to pick up life and love lessons, to which one stuck out as simply brilliant and wity, hehe....
As envious as it is to have a boyfriend who....
- caters to your every whim and desire
- fetches you whatever you may need, whenever you need it
- comes roaring in at your beck and call
- buys you gifts and flowers all the time
- clams up, letting you win all given arguments
- spends all of his time, free or not, with you because you want him to
- spends all his money for you too
- spoils you rotten with material and non-material things alike
- goes wherever you go
...in short, sorta like a pet...
I actually know girls who have partners like this, and even more. Sometimes you get envious of them, seemingly enjoying a perfect relationship. Sometimes you also wish this can happen to you. Sometimes you also want to know just how it actually feels like.
And yet, we forget to realize that they too have their own lives and should not live it according to yours.
If you want a pet, buy one....
mr. maybe
People often wonder if they really are meant to find the right person to be with. Some even devotes most of their time finding this out.
Some go out of their way to join dating clubs and organizations....just to find Mr. Right.
But is there really a Mr. Right? Is there really that amazing someone every girl is waiting for? A knight in shining armor?
I personally believe (and this is just me talking) that this Mr. Right thing is a big kabooosh. There is no such thing. There is no such person. It's just a figment of every girl's imagination, brought about by the idealistic society we are accustomed to. Even as young as 7 years old who watches prime time soaps is waiting for her Mr. Right. Geez.
When you are in a relationship (a stable and long term one), you would realize that Mr. Right does not exist. You try to make your partner your Mr. Right and some if not most of the times, you just end up getting disappointed because he never will be, nor does he want to be.
You'll just end up expecting things that will never happen, moments that will never come, devotions that will never be mustered, quotes that will never be said.
You'll end up getting your pillow wet at night, letting the tears flush down the hurt, disappointment and longingness for that person to finally come and sweep you off your feet.
And then you wake up and you're back to reality, picking up the pieces and trying your hardest to mold them together again.
hidden
Isn't it a wonder when you feel that a person is hiding something from you?
It's like you have this knowing feeling, just eating up your insides, your mind racing a million times. You want to know and yet it scares you, because you know it will bring nothing but hurt.
You dismiss this feeling, and yet it keeps nagging you. Like the feeling itself wants you to go after that hunch and just ask.
You dig deep into your soul for answers. Where did it come from in the first place? Is it your own stupid fault? Again?
The questions never end. They continue to swirl in your head, haunt your nights and shatter your dreams into bits and pieces. You want it to go away, be trusting and just let your heart do the talking. Out there in the open, unbounded for pain and open for wounds that never heal.
bursting bubbles and salted wounds
I just realized that I am never bound to find happiness.
Everytime I become remotely pleased or giddy about something, whether it be on love, life or work, my world will suddenly go on flip mode and no faster than a millisecond, something bad or fatally sad happens.
And this happens every single time.
Like take this week for instance. I was in a jolly mood, especially when hanging around with my boyfriend. It amazes me how well each day goes when we spend a few hours together, joking and teasing each other. Just being plain happy.
But of course, fate has it for me to feel pain again.
It's like I'm being watched very closely, and every time I am bound to be happy, a mighty voice will trigger the alarms, "Oh no! She's happy! This can't be! Do something fast! Make her cry again!"
Every bit of emotion is draining. Happiness is just simply elusive.
that little black dress
People often wear comfy clothes that to them shouts "whatever". The type of outfit that you don't have to stress with. Everyday clothes that's a no-brainer.
I have just that!
My trusty black bubble skirt and my purple polo shirt!
I'm actually quite notorious for dressing way, way down when I'm not going anywhere important for the day. Like today, hehe.
It's not that it's my favorite outfit, nor do I have less clothes to choose from (yabang). It's just plainly my no-brainer outfit on days that I really don't want to stress on choosing THE perfect outfit. I often dress this way when I'm not meeting my boyfriend. Just goes to show that it is HIS opinion and taste that matters, and no one else ever.
So there. People can stop wondering why I wear it so often. Heck, I sit all day. Who other important people do I need to dress up to? *wink*wink*
pop!
I just suddenly realized somthing, just now.....
I wanna get married, hihihi
shivers
Why does she feel scared all the time?
Everytime something would happen, she'd start that rollercoaster ride of emotions, spinning uncontrollably downwards to a space she alone knows so well.
She would always feel he would leave her...give up on them twice too many times. Each tear drop means a gallon of hope flushed away. Hope in a relationship that to thim seems meaningless.
She would always feel that deep down inside, it is her and not him that binds them together with a much stonger super glue. One mistake is all it would take for him to step away again and leave her with nothing but broken promises and a now dim future.
She would always feel that one bitter moment could trigger the end of everything - all she had worked for and invested - all that love and devotion down the drain.
She would always feel that beyond the strong exterior, all she ever wanted to do was to crawl inside and weep. Weep for just a single minute.
Weep until there are no more tears.
with shards of pointy glass
After the deathly encouters the last week has brought, I had a fairly quiet and okay weekend.
Saturday was supposed to be a happy and nice day. The sun has finally shone, the rain already stopped and the storm has passed.
Little did I know that another kind of unwanted storm was headed my way.
My boyfriend and I were walking inside one of the Makati malls that day, minding our own business and happily enjoying each other's company. I was actually elated to finally see him and be together after several days of missing each other due to the bad weather.
And then, it happened.
Going towards the south end of the mall, he suddenly smiled and said hi to some girl. To my utter shock, it was no other than the girl he dated before me. Just to give you a background, he was the one who stopped pursuing said girl (her name is not worth mentioning since she has no worth to me). According to his story, there was an occurrence during their "dating" period when he got turned off with said girl (details are kept confidential).
Of course, I know that face. Baket naman hinde noh?! Nasa friendster ba naman nya eh! He never showed me any picture of said girl for me to know her. He mentioned her name and knowing my great memory, I did remember said girl.
So there I was, completely stunned about what just happened. What pissed me off (a little only, mind you) was the great big fact that he was smiling ear to ear when they said hi to each other. It was actually a very harmless moment, since it was done only in passing. He did not introduce and I would be totally appalled if he did. I don't need to bother meeting someone I wasn't even interested to know in the first place.
I tried, of course, to make myself better. I'm a very transparent person. My emotions dictate my actions most of time kaya hinde ako plastik. People would know what I'm feeling just by looking at me. And my boyfriend knows me too well on being like that.
I did not get mad. God, I'm not that immature. That girl has no bearing in my life. Heck, I don't even care if she still existed or not. Just wanted to share the rush of emotion when things like these ever happened to you. You can always wack your boyfriend with your precious handbag (it would be best when you have a book inside) when he makes that second turn of looking at another girl at her back, walking past.
Don't you just love the drama?
funny lil thing
Such a funny little text message from one of my best friends :) Thanks Clauds!
When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm...
and slap that idiot on the face!
wapak! ganun ka-simple :)
